The Darkholme Gathering (Anne)

The smile didn’t reach his eyes. Jonas studied me, in a way I knew all too well, because, of course, he believed he was the problem. Espen was the first. We were dancing at my coming of age. Our friendship would become more, certain I felt the same way. I’d said no, for reasons that had nothing to do with the ritual, unable to stop hoping. Lifetimes passed, I built a relationship with Elias and met my soulmate, but there was always Titus, the man who’d chosen to be my brother. No one could ever compare, even though I knew it wasn’t fair.

“I meant what I said, Jonas. You will make someone a wonderful husband. Papa…” Sighing, I glanced back over at where Titus stood with Papa, the conversation with Lars continuing. “Love may never be possible, but seeing the way he feels about Mama… I want something more.”

“How I feel about you isn’t enough?”

“You don’t love me. We barely know each other.” I stayed gentle, but it wasn’t the first time someone thought they were in love with me, when the reality was they were in love with the idea of me. “Falling in love is indescribable.” Hence my certainty I didn’t love Dante, while he… the soulmate bond did what it was meant to do, unfortunately. “The moment it happens you’ll know, and whoever it is will be a very lucky person.”

“Father doesn’t believe in love.” Jonas breathed in deeply. “Anne, I… he’s always had this plan for my life, and from the time I was old enough to remember you were a part of it.”

Of course I was. “His plan and your plan don’t have to be the same. Going against Lars won’t be easy, but sometimes it’s necessary for your own happiness. Be honest with yourself. What do you want?”

Jonas blinked. If he was anything like the others he’d never thought about what he actually wanted. As the strongest of the three Darkholme brothers he was the heir, even though he wasn’t the eldest. Power had become more important than anything else in Marren Vale, something I still didn’t agree with, but there were some things we hadn’t been able to change. Being heir meant there’d always been a plan, and he’d accepted it without any real thought.

Reuben was an exception to the rule, at least until he became a father. He’d never wanted to be the Lockwood heir. Maeve died in childbirth with Emory not long after Titus was born, Arthur making the decision to move away to give Rue the space he needed to raise his own family, which made the unwilling heir the head of the Lockwood family. Then Arthur died, when Titus was a toddler and I was a baby, leading to Rue taking in his little brother, our family different to how it normally was. Like I always had I build a relationship with Emory, grateful to have a buffer, so I didn’t need to deal with Titus, while Titus worried, in case the House had the same effect on Em it had come to have on Rue.

Em survived his time in the house. Titus asked him to leave after Rue’s funeral, seeming callous. I don’t think Em ever forgave him, but it was for Em’s own good, so he’d be free to live. My own relationship with Titus was as complicated as it had always been. After Leonora we worked through a lot of those issues, and I thought of the promise he’d made, not certain whether it was possible for him to keep after what I’d done. Leaving… I found myself looking over at Titus again. Had it crossed his mind even once to use what happened as a way to build a different kind of relationship with me?

Both the Lockwood brothers fell in love with Leonora. Rue even proposed. I didn’t know what our lives would have looked like if Leonora said yes, but she chose Samuel instead. To her it made more sense than marrying a Lockwood, and Em knew better than to ask, although Celeste said there were feelings. Just not strong enough for Leonora to leave Samuel, no matter how complicated their relationship. Alexander was the rare Riordan son, who Samuel wanted to be heir, instead of Celeste. Celeste only stayed heir to protect her siblings. She married, like Emory did, because she had to, not out of love. We’d become close enough at the end I saw how she looked at Dante, who’d only been interested in me.

“Honestly, Anne, I don’t know.” Jonas’s voice drew me back to the present. “I’ve never taken the time to think about it, because I assumed I’d marry you.” He bit down on his bottom lip. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have brought that up.”

“It’s fine.” Hair fell into his eyes, reminding me a little of Cornelius, but I didn’t have the kind of relationship with Jonas that meant I’d feel comfortable brushing it back. “Considering the situation it’s a logical assumption to make, because any other father most likely would have accepted the offer.” Titus fought against my engagements, knowing they’d never come to anything, without any luck. “Papa’s a little different.”

“What do you want? I know you said to love and be loved, but…” Jonas seemed more uncomfortable than before. “How do you expect to find someone when you’re so closed off?”

More courageous than I expected, the kind of question one I didn’t think Jones would dare to ask, I smiled. “Do you want to know a secret?”

There’s was a flicker of confusion, but then he nodded. “You trust me?”

“Yes, I trust you.” It wasn’t as though I’d be telling him much. “The reason I’ve always been closed off is because I’m already in love, Jonas.” Shiver going down my spine, I needed Titus not to hear what I’d said, I looked over at where he was still with Papa. “No one’s else has ever been able to make me feel what he does.”

“So, Titus doesn’t know?”

Noticing the look, how could he not, I shook my head. “Protective older brother.” It was an easy excuse, because it wasn’t as though I could explain I’d actually fallen in love with Titus during our first life, when he hadn’t actually been my brother, and it had never truly gone away. “Don’t say anything to him.”

Drawing someone into a confidence helped when it came to connecting with them, especially during complicated times, and Jonas nodded, a sort of pleased embarrassment swirling around us. “Your secret’s safe with me, Anne. If I can do anything…”

My first response was the one I held back, knowing better than to say it, because telling Jonas nobody could do anything to help was a truth he didn’t need to hear. Titus clearly believed I had feelings for Dante. His emotional response to me leaving wasn’t entirely unexpected, although there was more to what happened with Elias than Titus simply reacting badly, no matter what pretty lies he told me. Dying, however… I’d never actually seen Titus truly lose control, and in that moment he had, for reasons I still didn’t understand. Asking might cause more problems than it solved, hence my decision to wait to say anything about what I remembered… or how strong the connection between us had become.

“Thank you, but I think it just needs time.”

Jonas nodded. “I think what I actually want is something I need to give some time to. Letting Father make the decisions…” He looked over at where Lars stood, alone for the first time, and I panicked for a second, longer than I should have, before I found Titus, watching us. “Well, it doesn’t seem to have helped build alliances with the Greater families.”

“With time this will all fade away.”

“Anne…”

“Believe me when I say this is normal for the Greater families.” I laughed. “Read the Darkholme journals. They’ll likely be even more interesting than the Tyrell ones.”

Mama’s family did have an interesting history, and reading the journals from the time Marion died helped me to learn how the Greater families survived after the loss of the Council. Em tried to create something new, but he wasn’t Titus, so it didn’t have the strength of the old. Then, slowly, the wards started to change, making it possible for people to leave Marren Vale for the first time. As I’d suspected Titus did have something to do with them. He might even have been the one to create them originally, but it was yet another topic I’d never brought up.

“Father’s very protective of them.”

I studied Lars. “Tell him as the heir it’s important you learn more about the Darkholmes. Use me if you have to.” Jonas made a sound. “We both understand the situation, but Lars doesn’t. Give him what he wants, in order to get what you need. You’re a Darkholme, Jonas.”

“He might assume…”

“Let him. What assumptions he makes doesn’t matter. Everything will work out the way it’s meant to.”

“You’re… different.”

“What you mean is you’ve never seen this side of me.” I smiled. “Remember I am a Lockwood.”

“The same way Titus is, and I’m beginning to think if we dance for much longer he might come over here.”

“Possibly.” I looked over at Titus, an eyebrow raised, which got me a shrug, reminding me of similar moments we’d had before. “He understands why I got you away. None of what happened was your fault, even though we could all see you thought it was.”

“If I’d never said anything…”

“At some point we’d have ended up in the same position, Jonas. It’s best it happened now. You have a chance to become the heir you want to be, rather than the one Lars tried to make you.”

Slowly, Jonas nodded, and I stepped back. “Thank you.” He smiled, one that did meet his eyes. “Whatever comes next I appreciate you being who you are, Anne.”

“You’re welcome.” He stepped forward for a second, kissing my cheek. “Good luck.”

Turning, to find Titus directly behind me, I rolled my eyes. “I’m perfectly capable of looking after myself.” Shaking my head, I glanced back at Jonas. “See what I mean – overprotective older brother.”

Fortunately it made Jonas laugh the way it was meant to, he knew a secret Titus didn’t, and Titus studied me, as I reached for his hand, lacing our fingers together again. Some of the tenseness left his body, enough for me to begin walking toward where Papa stood, waiting for us. To others our relationship had always appeared closer than it should be. Espen, once, used the word weird. Of course he’d been doing his best to convince me to date him at the point, trying to hammer in the point Titus was my brother.

At the time I didn’t believe he was. Everyone else did. When they looked at us they saw siblings, because that’s what they’d been told we were. Now it was different, but his soul… that was the complicated part. In death I looked at the Titus Lockwood I’d spent my first life with, the man I’d fallen in love with, making it even more complicated to let go. Our last death… he’d appeared every time I woke up panicking. Kept me safe when I didn’t remember. Grateful he was slightly behind me, and couldn’t see the emotions, I bit down hard on my lip, to keep them from getting the better of me.

Unfortunately it was Titus. Next thing I knew he was in front of me, stopping me from walking, his eyes on mine. “Sweetheart…”

“I thought I was the empath.”

Smile touching his lips, even though he most likely didn’t want it to, he shook his head. “I know you.”

“Better than I know myself sometimes, but this… dealing with the Greater families is never easy, and I feel sorry for Jonas. Hopefully I managed to give him some backbone.”

For a longer time than I expected Titus studied me, as though he knew I hadn’t told him the truth. Eventually he nodded. If he did realise I’d lied he’d made the same decision I had many times before – to not bring it up. That was the easier option in this kind of situation, especially when he was still being careful. Not that him knowing I remembered changed anything, I still couldn’t tell him. He’d made his choice, so what I needed to do was move on, give up the little flutters of hope, and find someone who did love me, because it wasn’t going to be Titus. Dante… it felt too forced. Yes, he’d seemed to have feelings, but that was the soulmate bond.

We started walking again, mind turning to the bonds, and questions I’d asked from the time I learnt of the soulbond. Did I truly love Titus? Could it just be the soulbond? There were times he’d looked at me in our first life, and I’d been so certain he was about to admit he loved me, but it never happened. If he did… I ran my tongue over my bottom lip. After everything we’d been through to get to where we were I’d believe it in a way I couldn’t when Dante told me he loved me. No one knew me the way Titus did. Even Elias fell in love with a facsimile of Anne, but Titus would love the real Anne.

Papa curled an arm around my shoulders when we reached him, Mama and Zachary standing close by, waiting to leave. “How is Jonas?”

“I think he understands.”

“Good, because I don’t believe for a second Lars is likely to stop pushing Jonas, having made the decision a long time ago you were the perfect wife for his son.” Papa shook his head. “Sometimes I wish Father stayed far from Marren Vale, but if he had I’d never have met your mother.”

“Where did you live, Papa?”

He smiled, as we started walking together out the Darkholme house, away from the complications of the Greater families. “Far from here, close to the sea.”

Although I’d never been lucky enough to see the sea I knew it existed, mostly thanks to books in the library. Before magic people travelled from across Taliesin to Marren Vale. With the wards in place only those who didn’t have magic or had help were able to get through them, unless they were powerful like Dante. Now it wasn’t the same, but most of the people who stayed did because they had no interest in leaving. Even with the books they knew too little about the world. Reading through them made me want to explore, and I might finally have a chance, if Titus kept his promise.

“Is that all the information you’re going to share with me?”

Over my head Papa and Titus shared a look. “Before I tell you anything, darling, I need you to make me a promise.” Clearly Titus told Papa I wanted to leave Marren Vale. “If the time comes when you do leave, and that will only happen with Titus by your side, you’ll be very careful. There are many good things about life this side of the wards, even though it does mean having to deal with the Greater families.”

“Papa, you have my word I’ll be careful.” Magic wrapped about us, because the worry in his voice wasn’t something I expected to hear, and I never wanted that. “It’s not as though Titus would let anything happen to me.”

“Easy words to say, Anne.” Papa tightened his arm around my shoulders. “As I said I lived far from here before Father received a letter from Great-Uncle Jasper. We crossed Taliesin in the hope we’d be able to find a home. Mama died a few months earlier in an accident, while she was pregnant with our baby sister, and Father wanted a fresh start somewhere he’d only ever heard stories about before.”

“An accident?”

Silence followed my words, and I watched as Papa stared into the distance. “Father used those words, but I never found out exactly what happened to Mama, which hurts even now. He was a very hard man to connect with, so I’d always been closer to Mama. Coming here, leaving all the memories of her behind…” His eyes moved to Mama. “If I hadn’t fallen in love I wouldn’t have stayed. Emory, on the other hand, appreciated the way the Lockwoods were viewed here, which is the reason he ended up marrying Georgina. Petra, like me, married for love. Losing her… I’d never been close to Emory. She kept us talking us Father died. Without her neither of us put any effort into our relationship.”

“I’m so sorry, Papa.” With my free hand I reached for one of his. “You don’t need to talk about this if it brings back bad memories.”

“Give me some time, and I’ll be able to, but tonight… it’s complicated. Even though Marren Vale is home now I can’t help wondering what it would have been like if I never made the journey in the first place. Magic wasn’t important to me. The world… the city I grew up in was so different. I meant nothing there. Being one of the Greater families…” He shook his head. “It’s hard to put into words, especially after dealing with Lars.”

Slowly, I nodded. “He’s never left Marren Vale.”

“None of the Darkholmes have. He respects our name, Anne, without respecting the man who holds it. Emory stepping in didn’t help in the way Isaac speaking on your behalf did, because the Tyrells have always been here too. Lars has a different relationship with both Marion and Isaac, while I… you’re a Lockwood born in Marren Vale, who has the true Lockwood power. We gave you one of the oldest Lockwood names. To him you’re the very best potential wife for Jonas, so us saying no means nothing.”

Love spells were possible. I’d seen the after effects of them, and I could only hope I’d done enough to keep Jonas from being foolish enough to try, but with Lars the way he was Jonas might give in. That depended on whether what I’d said was enough, because if he read the Darkholme journals he’d understand why he shouldn’t play around with magics like that. At any other time I’d have brought it up with Titus, so we could keep an eye on things. Without a Council there was very little we could do.

“Most of the old records have been destroyed through the years.” Titus sounded thoughtful. “It is possible the Darkholmes do still have a love spell in one of their journals. We should keep that in mind, just in case.”

I didn’t look at Titus. Doing that would only make him more suspicious, but it was as though, like he had before, he knew what I was thinking. Sometimes I wondered if the bond made that possible, with it being far more likely the two of us were just that close. Gently, he squeezed my hand, a sign he might actually know where my mind had gone. Learning about love spells wasn’t an impossibility. Anne without her memories didn’t know what that experience was like, while Anne with her memories very much did.

“Do you truly believe Lars would be foolish enough to try?”

“Sometimes, Father, desperate men are willing to do anything, and Lars was definitely not happy with the way things worked out earlier. Isaac’s choice to speak with you didn’t help matters.”

Papa looked at me. “You feel anything strange at all I need you to tell either me or Titus.”

Once again I held back my first response, which was to tell them both I was far more worried about Jonas. A love spell never worked out the way the caster wanted it to. Titus would only wonder why I said it, while Papa didn’t care in any way about what happened to Jonas. I was the one who mattered.

“I will, Papa.”