The Darkholme Gathering (Anne)

Hands resting on my hips, love shining in his eyes, Titus smiled. He was more comfortable with me than he ever had been anyone else. The dress I wore was the one he’d created for my coming of age gathering in our last life, with some minor differences. It was the last time we’d danced together too, both of us attempting to rebuild a relationship I didn’t think could ever be the way it was in our first life, and I’d been wrong. As I curled my arms around his neck I studied him, certain the dress was one of his gentle ways to try to help my memories return. He’d been so careful.

There were moments when I caught the suspicion in his eyes, I’d said something to make him think it was possible I might remember something, but he’d never asked. All it took was a single mistake for those memories to flood me, and there were still lives I didn’t remember. Most of my memories came from two of our lives. For others there were moments, most often the most painful returning before anything else, which was understandable, as they were the strongest. Until I told Titus I did remember he’d not do anything to put me at risk. He cared too much to do anything foolish this life.

Although I doubted Titus would agree, even when he learnt I had regained those lost memories, for me it was a blessing, when it came to us. Our relationship wasn’t coloured by the old, finally able to be as it once was. Closing my eyes for a moment, resting my head comfortably on his shoulder, I saw the first Titus Lockwood. In our last life he’d finally opened up to me, albeit to avoid answering a different question. He was a foundling. Thaddeus Lockwood, our father, saved him from dying in the forest, and I was entirely certain in telling me that he hadn’t truly avoided the question I’d been asking.

Being a foundling, wanting to prove himself as Thaddeus’s son, led to him being soulbonded to me. Why the soulbond existed was more of a mystery. I’d talked it through, for hours, with Celeste. She was the strongest soul mage I’d known since Sybil, and I didn’t have the kind of relationship with her I could imagine even having a conversation. For the first time, thanks to Celeste, I knew about the soulbond, but she could see so much more than that. Two vows were wrapped tightly around Titus’s soul.

One he’d made to me, the night Thaddeus and Francesca died. With his arms tight around me as I sobbed he made me an emotional promise, strengthening it in ways I’d learnt meant he’d never have been able to break it, to be there for me in life and death, eternally. Even if it hadn’t been for the other vow we’d have found ourselves in the same situation. Yet the other, Celeste believed, was slightly older, so there was only one person I could imagine Titus making it to – Thaddeus Lockwood.

Looking at Titus once more, the man in front of me very different to both the other Tituses I had strong memories of, I stood on my toes, kissing his cheek. “Come with me.”

He raised an eyebrow, but took the hand I held out, letting me lead him away from everyone else, into the garden. Fingers lacing with his I thought of the conversation we’d need to have sooner rather than later. The questions I needed answers to he’d been evading the whole time we were together, thanks to Thaddeus. When we were truly alone I looked at him – the man who given up any chance of a life for me. Eventually the time would come when he’d be free to tell me everything. After the last ritual, potentially, and I knew he’d been honest with me when he said after our next lives he’d never have to put me through that pain again, but it was something I’d made much more complicated.

“Tell me what you’re thinking, sweetheart.”

Easier said than done. “I just wanted to spend some time with you. You’ve been so busy with Papa recently.”

More than once he’d caught me hovering by the wards, because I understood what happened the other side of them in a way neither Mama or Zachary could, if they were even able to feel the magic. For five months Titus and Papa had been preparing for the ritual, something Titus had always done alone before. It was also earlier than normal, I was still two years away from my coming of age, but Titus never did anything for no reason, hence us having a brother for the first time. There was another, much weaker, connection I’d also been able to feel since I came into my power, that could only be one thing. We lived because Dante did.

“I’m sorry.” He curled an arm around me, drawing me closer, and I rested my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. “All you need to do is ask, Anne.”

Breathing deeply, keeping control of my emotions, I bit down on my bottom lip. More than once I’d been close to telling Titus I remembered, but the moment I did everything would changed. I wasn’t ready. Not yet. Eventually I’d have no other option. Until then I’d avoid what came next. He stroked a hand over my hair, the way he had in so many of our lives, which was almost enough to start the tears.

“You’re interruptible?”

“Not when I’m down there, but before or after.” He kissed the top of my head. “It’s not safe for you to pass the wards.”

An excuse he’d used more than once, that wasn’t entirely a lie. It was a half truth. Papa was less safe than I was in the basement, the darkness already beginning to change him, the same way it had so many others in the past. Titus wasn’t affected in the same way, because he’d always been the most powerful mage in Marren Vale… something Celeste laughingly confirmed was another of his many half truths. She believed my strength was the reason Thaddeus asked Titus to accept the soulbond in the first place. My father trying to protect me, at the expense of Titus’s freedom.

“What are you doing?”

“Preparing for the future.”

One of the skills Titus had gained through the lifetimes was telling a truth that wasn’t the whole truth. It was enough of one for me to accept if I chose not to push, but that didn’t mean I missed there being more to it. What the future looked like was a mystery. He hadn’t been happy when Dante arrived in Marren Vale, yet our conversations back then told me he’d already known about the existence of my soulmate. Celeste posited it was timing. Dante walked through the wards barely two weeks before the ritual, something Titus had been working toward for months, complicating it more than it already had been by Leonora’s decision.

Dante made the journey due to the dreams he’d been having of me, making him a Seer who knew very little about the magic he’d inherited from two of the most powerful families to have left Marren Vale. One went through the wards with my help, something I still didn’t think Titus had entirely forgiven me for. He worried enough about those with ‘new magic’ without me adding to the problem. Gabriel wanted to live for his son, and I gave him that chance, because otherwise he’d have been another name added to the list. The other was more complicated. Until Dante told me his mother was a Redfern I believed Jacob died when he’d attempted to learn the truth about how magic came to Marren Vale, by travelling through time with Titus.

Instead his ability to See was passed on to Dante. Hence Titus not being prepared. A Seer couldn’t See another Seer. That was likely another reason for his unhappiness, but even without the soulbond I’d been able to feel what Titus did. Most of the time he kept an iron grip on his emotions, unless he was sleeping. During that time, especially when we found ourselves arguing, it failed more often than it ever had before, so I felt his jealousy. One evening I found myself in the portrait room, he’d painted the Lockwoods through the years, studying the many he’d done of me, knowing there were probably hundreds more hidden away somewhere. He’d painted me far more than he had anyone else. Compared to the others they were different, and when I touched one of them I understood it. Within every painting was his deep love for me.

“Can you tell me what that future looks like?”

My voice was gentle, because I knew how he’d react, and the way he tensed told me more than he realised. He’d made the decision to be my brother when he was in love with me. Was it Thaddeus who convinced him that was the safest option? Celeste said multiple times, the words growing more frustrated, they hadn’t understood what they were doing, and it seemed Titus still didn’t. Looking into his face, wishing once again he’d made different choices, I stroked some strands of hair back.

“Anne…”

“Don’t, Titus. It’s a complicated question, and it wasn’t entirely fair of me to ask.” Technically no one in our family knew he was a Seer, unless he’d told Thaddeus more recently, so my words made sense. “Especially with what you said before.”

“If I did ever marry it would be for love.” He stared out into the distance, a wistfulness in his voice he’d also had in his eyes when we were dancing. “Not that I can imagine it ever being possible, but…”

Of course he didn’t. “You’re the one who said nobody truly knows what the future might hold.”

He looked at me, eyebrow raised. “Not so trite now?”

Eyes on his, taking his other hand, lacing those fingers together too, I bit down on my bottom lip. “More than anything I want you to be happy.” There was still so much I couldn’t say, but I meant every word. “Being here, with you… you’re the reason I can’t see myself with anyone.” He blinked, shaking his head. “How can they give me that sensation of being truly safe with them? You hold me, and I know you’d do anything to protect me, no matter what you had to give up.”

“Someone will, and you’ll know then they’re the one you’re meant to be with.”

Titus meant Dante. I could see it so easily. Lifetimes earlier Thaddeus set Titus on a path with the soulbond. As unhappy as I was with our first father I didn’t believe he’d done it maliciously. Both would have had their reasons for the choices they’d made. However after so many lifetimes together neither of us were the children Thaddeus knew. Making those choices for us, curtailing what Titus was able to share with me, affected our relationship, and for the first time I actually felt like I at least partly understood the man who’d been beside me in every life.

Yet there was still much more I didn’t know. The soulmate bond was nothing in comparison to the soulbond. In our last life I’d chosen to leave with Dante, because I needed to force a change. Well, I’d definitely done that, but not in the way I hoped, and now… I’d wait a little longer. See if I was right about it all having something to do with my soulmate. Even then Dante hadn’t made me feel the way Titus did, which could be the soulbond, or there was a chance it was something else. Until Titus could be truly honest with me I had no way of knowing.

By then it might already be too late. Celeste explained the vows were too strong for Titus to survive breaking them, and if it was all linked with Dante… I studied Titus. Tried to look deep within to why he’d chosen the soulbond. Obviously I was still missing an important detail, something Thaddeus wanted Titus to keep from me, and telling Titus I remembered wasn’t going to change that. What I needed to do was find another way.

Fortunately Emory invited us to brunch. We’d be back in the Lockwood house for the first time. Titus was strong, but I was stronger. If I found what I needed I’d be able to break his wards. Hopefully. Find Titus’s journals and within them I’d have the answers to all the questions I’d asked him through the lifetimes. Possibly more than I truly wanted, especially as he hadn’t exactly been open with me about what happened to Jules, or why someone who’d barely known me made the decision to give up their future in order to try to… I didn’t know what he’d been attempting.

“No one here has.” I ran my tongue over my dry lips. “When I look at the men in that room, knowing they’re the best Marren Vale has to offer… maybe we should leave. After I come of age we can travel together. Papa would let me if you’re willing to chaperone.”

Laughing, Titus squeezed my hands. “I give you my word if, by the time you come of age, there’s no other man here who makes you feel truly safe I’ll do anything you ask me to.”

Magic swirled around us, the vow nowhere near as strong as the other he’d made, but it was enough – and it was enough to tell me I had been right about Dante. Titus truly thought I’d end up with him. Only that clearly wasn’t what he actually wanted, having set that aside in order to be who Thaddeus asked him to be.

“Anything at all?” Titus nodded, a far more dangerous vow than he realised, although it would also be simpler for him to break. “You might come to regret that.”

“Sweetheart, all I want is for you to be happy.” Titus kissed my temple, lips warm. “You mean everything to me.”

Powerful truths, ones he’d said before, and I hadn’t believed him. Not when he’d then follow that up by convincing me to go through the ritual once more. Every scar was a name, and I could still recite them. Faces were more complicated, but some were clear, including those who were lost in a ritual I hadn’t technically been a part of. Having experienced it, thanks to Titus’s nightmares, I also knew there were others lost. Cornelius hadn’t survived the birthplace of magic. Neither, unfortunately, had Leonora, who’d only gone with Cornelius for me. Another two names, even though they weren’t scars.

The man in front of me wasn’t the same Titus I’d left. He’d been through experiences which made than an impossibility. Yet the ritual was still a necessary evil, when the very thought of going through it again led to him having that same nightmare at least a couple of times a week. Often more. Whether or not he was ready to admit it losing me almost broke him entirely, and he was still worried I’d never be the Anne I was before… something I could never be, even with all my memories back. Not after what we’d both been through. I saw more clearly than I ever had before.

Every decision we’d both made through the lifetimes had an effect. Titus’s half truths and evasions caused a rift between us. I hadn’t understood the reason, and learning about the vow… given time I’d have been able to work through the emotions, the way I had in our current life, but then I didn’t feel like I had it. Dante was there. Although I had doubts he was a solution to a problem. Maybe, if I left Marren Vale, I’d finally get the answers I needed, because Titus would be willing to do anything to get me home. What I’d actually done was broken him in such a way I caused both our deaths.

Of course he blamed himself. If he’d been stronger he wouldn’t have lost control, the ritual would have worked out exactly the way it had every other time, and he’d be able to give me the time I needed to come to my senses. Being with Dante… he truly believed us starting our lives together far from Marren Vale was the best choice for both of us. Part of me wanted it, desperately. Then, on the other side of the wards, I realised I’d made a mistake, but I couldn’t go back. Admitting to Titus I was wrong… by the time I’d accepted it was the only option it was too late.

“You mean as much to me.” I stood on my toes, kissing his cheek, needing him to hear the truth in my words. “Titus, I can’t imagine my life without you in it.” A tear rolled down my cheek, and he wiped it away with a thumb, eyes worried. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, Anne.” He drew me closer, freeing his fingers to wrap both his arms tightly around me, the sound of footsteps a reminder there was still a gathering we needed to get back to. “We’ll continue this conversation.”

The footsteps, probably fortunately, belonged to Papa. “So this is where the two of you disappeared to.” He sounded more amused than anything, and I looked at him. “I’m sorry, Anne, but it would be good manners to have at least one dance with the birthday boy.” Before I had a chance to say anything he laughed, so clearly I’d not controlled my face as well as I hoped. “We all hate this part of being a Lockwood, darling.”

Papa held a hand out to me, and I took it, letting him draw me away from Titus. “One dance?”

“I promise.” We started walking back toward the Darkholme house, memories of other times I’d been there far more powerful than I wanted them to be right then. “You’ve made it clear more than once you have no interest in the men of Marren Vale, and, to be honest, I completely understand. Meeting your mother was true luck, the best I’ve ever had.”

For a moment I found myself looking at him, knowing if the ritual went the way it was meant to he’d be another of the names I’d never forget, a Lockwood lost to the magic we had to use for whatever plan it was Titus truly had to gift us eternity without any more scars. Glancing back at Titus, eyes meeting, I could see the unhappiness within, but he wouldn’t say anything. He hated it when I danced with others. At least this time it wasn’t because Papa cared about using me to build strong alliances with other Greater families.

As we stepped through the door, music surrounding us once more, I focused on what I had to do. There was no more avoiding it. Jonas Darkholme waited, and I could tell from the way he’d been watching it was for me. He wasn’t an old soul. Not like Cornelius. With a smile Jonas stepped over to me, holding one hand out. I accepted, unable to stop myself looking at Titus again.

“Do what needs to be done, little sister.” He’d said it so many times before I could tell it was what he’d be saying if he could. “I’ll be here when it’s over.”