Leonora’s Decision

Leonora was through the front door, dress swirling in the breeze it created, before I had a chance to reach the meeting room, her decision to stay unusual. Moments later Titus’s fury followed. I stepped over to the door, lifting my hand to knock.

“Soul mages!”

Fortunately for Titus they were rare, because those who did have soul magic were able to see the scars. Leonora had the first time she met him, when he was still a baby, Papa a close friend until she saw the soul of his son. I don’t know if Papa believed her. He never showed any signs he did, up to the day he died, his death an inevitability. Too many Lockwoods died due to the magic we’d used to make it possible for us to remember our past lives, a vow made to a little girl who’d lost almost everyone she loved by a brother who said he didn’t understand how powerful it would be.

“Anne would never forgive me.”

I raised an eyebrow, hand dropping. Pages turned, Titus’s thoughts having turned to a solution, but he was right. Our relationship was complicated enough without him cursing the Riordan bloodline. Leonora saw more than most, with Celeste… I’d never said anything, in the hope I’d protect her, but he wasn’t blind to the strength of her magic. Silently I went back upstairs, before returning loudly enough he’d be able to hear me.

Before I had a chance to knock the door opened, Titus’s eyes meeting with mine. “I’m sorry.”

“What did Leonora say?”

He laughed, leaning against the frame. “You couldn’t tell? Of all the Riordans she’s the most like Sybil.” I stared at Titus, but he didn’t seem to notice. “Sees the scars, and comes to the conclusion Marren Vale needs to be protected from me, because I’ve been corrupted by dark magics. All I had to do was mention the ritual.”

“She’ll have read Sybil’s journal.”

“Phoebe should have burnt it.”

“Titus…”

“I know, I know.” He raked a hand through his hair. “No destroying family history.” Eyes meeting with mine, he sighed. “Anne, I’m not going to pretend this doesn’t have a chance of causing real problems.”

“Only if the rest of the Council choose to believe Leonora, and that’s unlikely when you have Cornelius to speak on your behalf.” After Papa died Cornelius became Titus’s staunchest ally, believing it was what Papa would have wanted, especially after the arguments they’d both had with Leonora when Titus was still a baby. “Everything will work out exactly the way it’s meant to.”

Breathing deeply, I looked down, but Titus knew me. His hand was gentle on my chin when he lifted my face, other hand wiping the tears from my cheeks. Words weren’t necessary in that moment. As he drew me into his arms, kissing the top of my head, I rested my cheek against his chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat. It was still, even after so many lifetimes of pain and anger, the easiest way for him to calm me. For a moment I was that little girl again, magic entwining us more strongly than I understood was possible.

At the same time conversations made it clear that vow wasn’t the only reason for Titus’s choices. Early on I hadn’t pushed for answers, but lives, and deaths, passed without the conversation I assumed we’d have. When I did finally gather the courage, worried I might affect our relationship, he was evasive. The love he professed to feel wasn’t enough for him to be honest with me, causing fractures. Yet I’d still been safe with him. His heartbeat helped to keep me balanced, because, no matter what, he had been there through everything.

Unfortunately the ritual was a necessary evil. With time he’d find a more permanent solution, one that didn’t mean we continued to scar our souls, but until then there was no other option. Everything he’d done was for me. Those words were a heavy weight, because they hadn’t been a lie, although there were still parts of the truth hidden. I’d come to believe he might never tell me, choosing instead to protect me, the way Thaddeus would have wanted him to, our first father the only reason I could think of for Titus’s ongoing evasiveness.

“You can talk to me.” His voice was gentle. “Anne, I hate it too. I don’t think I’ve ever actually admitted that to you before. What we have to do isn’t easy, but the reason I keep going, every life, is because I love you.”

Words I’d heard a hundred times before, that changed nothing. Although it was the most powerful of all the truths he’d told me, and had always been, since our first life, there was still so much he kept hidden from me. I looked up at him, his eyes on mine once more.

“I know it’s not enough. Love isn’t the magic solution to fix all the pain I’ve caused you through the years.” He kissed my temple. “You have my word it will be over soon. That much I’m Certain of.”

“Soon?”

“Either our next life, or the one after.”

One thing Titus had never done before was give me that assurance. He’d been honest with me, said he didn’t know how long it would take, but those words were another truth. For the first time he’d Seen an end. Yet, as I came to accept that, I realised it wasn’t enough. I needed to understand why.

“Give me your word you’ll answer all my questions.”

He tensed. “Anne, it’s not that simple.”

“Nothing ever is.” I stepped back. “You’ve been the one to guide both our lives for generations, Titus, due to a vow you made a little girl who was terrified of being alone, or at least that’s what you told me. Did you think I’d not heard the missing part of the story? There’s something more to all of this, and I want to know what it is. Even then I may not be able to live. How can I after everything?”

“Both of us will need to find a way, sweetheart.” There was a pain in his voice when he said those words I’d heard before, often when we talked about the future. “I’m not going to pretend I know how we’ll be able to live a normal life, but I wouldn’t have done this if I didn’t believe it was possible.”

“Do you know how many times…” I shook my head. “Of course you do. You’ve probably Watched me throughout, in case I was about to make the wrong decision, so you could stop me.”

“You know I didn’t. The only time…” He raked a hand through his hair, keeping from bringing up Elias, a subject neither of us had dared bring up. “Anne, I… sometimes I’ve Seen possibilities, but I don’t step in unless there’s a good reason to.”

“What was the good reason when you shredded Elias’s soul?”

As I said the words I knew I wasn’t being fair, there was something more to what Titus did, even though he hadn’t explained it to me. Pain blossomed in his eyes, surrounding both of us, and then I was gone, not giving him a chance to follow me. Not that he didn’t know exactly where I’d end up, because it was the room we’d set aside for me to have a space that was free of shared magics. It was the same as the basement for Titus, although that was also where he gathered the power of the rituals, preparing for the day when he could finally use it to make us both immortal.

On the other side of the door I let the tears fall. “Sweetheart, don’t, please.” Titus hadn’t wasted a any time, clearly following me the moment I’d left. “You’re angry. I understand.”

“Stop being nice.”

Laughing, I could see him shaking his head, I felt his power when he rested his hand on the door. “Why would I stop? Both of us have said the wrong thing at times, letting our emotions take over. I can’t be upset with you. Not when I know how much it hurt when I… you cared about him. Maybe even let yourself love him. Then I took him away.”

I’d watched as Titus shredded Elias’s soul… or at least that was what it looked like from the outside. Only I knew Titus too well. Hurting me was something he’d tried never to do, after the first ritual. That was the worst, because I hadn’t know, and he’d chosen not to tell me, to keep me from being able to say no. After that our relationship had changed, in ways I know he wished it hadn’t. His regrets were numerous. Mine weren’t exactly less, although they were for different reasons. What happened with Elias hadn’t been what it looked like.

Breathing deeply, Titus only entered the room when I let him, I turned to open the door, and he stayed right where he was, hand still up. I pressed my hand to his, our fingers lacing. We looked at each other. Asking wouldn’t get me an answer. For whatever reason he couldn’t tell me, which… I ran my tongue over my bottom lip.

“Give me a moment of honesty, Titus.” He studied me. “If you were able to would you tell me?”

“Yes.” Truth wrapped around us. “Anne, all I’ve done is make it harder for you to trust me. Not being able to tell you… you wanted honesty, so that’s what you’re going to get. Certain parts I’d keep from you, for your own sanity, but the rest… I hate that our relationship can never be the way it was.” His eyes dropped down to the necklace I still wore every day. “When this is over I hope we’ll be able to rebuild what was damaged, because, and I do mean it when I say this, I love you. You are everything to me, which is why I made the choices I did.”

His words only made the tears fall faster. “Sometimes I can’t help wishing you’d loved me a little less. Maybe, then, we’d have both been free to live.”

“I never do.” The merest hint of a smile, as I stared at him, that truth one I hadn’t expected. “Being here, with you, is all I ever wanted, and I can’t imagine a future without you in it.”

Words that were true, but there was more to them. Asking wouldn’t get me anywhere. He’d told me what he was willing to, and the rest would have to wait until the right time, if it ever existed. Gently, wanting him with me, I pulled him into the room, the door closing behind us, my room very different to the rest of the Lockwood house. Sometimes, during the period when Titus was preparing for the ritual, I’d force him to spend time there to decompress. Leonora’s decision to walk away from the ritual was another point when he could do with being away from everything to think.

“Can you See how Leonora might be able to affect the ritual?”

Titus studied me. “Sweetheart…”

“At least let me help by talking it through. I’m willing to work with you to find a solution, if there are signs the other Council members might listen to her, because I can’t imagine the next life will be the last if we can’t complete this life’s ritual.”

Ritual magic was complicated. Most didn’t bother with it, because it went badly more often than it went right. The ritual we used was worse, and I remembered Titus talking before about how it needed to happen at a certain time, during one of the many arguments we’d had about it. Some lives we had a couple of possibilities, but I very rarely asked. I left it all up to Titus.

“It won’t be impossible, but it also won’t be easy.” Titus sighed. “We don’t need to do this now.”

“Yes, we do. We don’t have the time to waste. It’s been what? Five months of preparation already?” He raised an eyebrow. “After so many lives I understand the ritual, and the work it takes to make it possible. My hatred of it doesn’t change that.”

Cornelius was the only member of the Council who’d known anything, because he was trusted. He believed he’d be the only survivor, choosing to work with Titus for a reason – Jon. Adopted son of the Darkholmes, Jon was born without magic, into a Marren Vale still prejudiced against them. It started during one of the periods we’d been unable to do anything to fix the problem, and, no matter what Titus tried afterwards, the belief was too deeply entrenched. Neither of us understood, but then it wasn’t the only one.

During our early deaths, when there were still large gaps, Marren Vale changed the most, and, although Titus never said anything, I believed it was part of the reason he did everything possible to keep the Lockwoods in power. The Council were the only way to bring change. Sybil, due to Wolfgang, saw Titus exactly the way he said she did – as a danger to Marren Vale. All soul mages saw the scars. Most were too weak to do anything to stop the ritual. Leonora was the first true exception, hence the worry. The only reason I could anticipate something changing was if Cornelius turned against Titus, but he’d heard Leonora’s arguments a hundred times over already.

Both Leonora and Cornelius were friends of Reuben during his childhood, much to Titus’s dismay when it came to Leonora. He never forced change upon the Lockwood heirs, because, normally, he hadn’t needed to. All it took was some gentle nudging in the right direction. With him being born a Titus he was viewed differently by the family, the same way I was. Both of us had ‘old family names’, passing on to us the strength of the first Titus and Anne. Reuben listened, before doing what he thought was right, seeing his friendship with Leonora as a way to change the relationship between the Lockwoods and the Riordans.

For a time he’d been right… until the birth of his eldest son, the next Titus in line. Leonora held the baby in her arms about three days later, the first outside the family to meet him, and told Reuben what she saw. By the time I was born they were no longer friends. I couldn’t ask, because I technically had no way of knowing. Celeste was never told, although I’m certain Leonora warned her against being my friend, with it being another of the reasons the two of them weren’t close. Then the time came when I realised the danger Celeste was in if I stayed friends with her. She was a stronger soul mage than Leonora.

What exactly Celeste was able to see when she looked more closely at me was still a mystery. I needed it to be. Leonora now working against Titus didn’t change that, but she might be one way for me to convince Leonora it was safest for the rest of the family if she changed her mind. Cornelius wasn’t an option, their friendship broken in a similar way, when he chose to not choose. He didn’t accept Titus was the true reincarnation of the first Titus, and, even if he had, only Sybil thought Titus was the reason for the deaths.

My own reaction to it all actually helped Titus. Coming to terms with the losses… I’d had close friends die for me to be able to keep my memories in the next life. Espen was the most painful, but I’d been there to say a final goodbye to everyone, barely able to keep myself together. Had it not been for Titus I probably wouldn’t have. Of course it was partly selfish. The ritual was for me, because of that foolish vow, and we’d need to do it again, so I had to find a way to get over it. By being there for me, his own arguments much gentler, he helped me do exactly that. Until the next time. Actively being part of it wasn’t something I ever imagined I’d chose to do.

I needed it to be over. Titus studied me, obviously not entirely willing to accept I meant what I said. “Anne, I can’t promise you answers.” He used his free hand to stroke some hair back off my face, not taking his eyes off mine, worried I’d made the decision for the wrong reasons. “You deserve them, but… I’m sorry.”

Truth swirling around us once more, I nodded. “We do what needs to be done.” His words. “For us to have any chance of moving on the ritual has to go ahead the same way it always has, because I know you were being honest with me when you said it’s only two more lives at most. Is it the same if Leonora manages to put a stop to this ritual?”

“Honestly, that’s a much more complicated question to answer.” Titus closed his eyes. “You are right when you say it’s unlikely for Leonora to be able to change anything, but that doesn’t mean it’s not possible. Cornelius is our ally. He won’t turn against us unless he learns the truth of the ritual from you.” Staying silent, I shook my head, because Titus didn’t See my thoughts, just what I might do, so he wouldn’t know why I’d make that unexpected decision. “If he does… neither Cornelius or Leonora are at the ritual. Fortunately Nicholas is willing to take Cornelius’s place, and it looks like Gregor Tyrell in Leonora’s.”

“Can you See what happened to Leonora and Cornelius?”

“No, but I have a feeling I know what Cornelius might have attempted.” Titus’s looked at me. “It’s not as though it hasn’t happened before.”

Magic changed our lives, and no one knew how… or at least they didn’t say. As time passed there were more questions, people wanting to understand where it came from. Journals had been kept by all the families, including the Lockwoods, and most families had created copies to keep in the library, something Titus hadn’t done. He’d also kept Thaddeus’s journal so well hidden even I hadn’t been able to find it, which led to questions, especially with the Lockwoods always being more powerful than any of the other families. From there it spiralled.

Jacob was the first to try going back in time, something only strong Seers could do, with Titus’s help, but he’d never returned. I’d tried from the beginning to talk Jake out of it. He’d been too determined. After that there were rumours of a hidden cave, the Birthplace of Magic, and there was enough Titus didn’t say then I believed they might be correct, leading to many mages going searching for it. Most got nowhere – and then the Oswald-Spencer twins went missing. Ezra told me what they were doing, again not listening when I tried to talk him out of it. Fortunately that seemed to have been enough to convince others to stop.

Until now, if Titus was right. “I’ll do what I can to stop that from happening.”

“Sometimes Knowing is the hardest part, Anne.” He looked out the window. “I learn the most when I’m sleeping, because I don’t have the same kind of control over what I See then. The only reason I knew anything about Elias, I don’t Watch you, was due to that, and I am sorry. What happened… I wish, more than anything, I could change that moment for both of us.”