Titus

Unlike Anne Titus couldn’t see me straight away. He wasn’t a soul mage. I used the power of the Lockwood house to make it easier, waiting for his reaction, because that would tell me whether Anne had actually taken his memories or not. Fortunately, maybe, there was a flicker of relief in his eyes when he noticed me, and then he toddled over, eyes not leaving mine.

“She’s alive.”

“Yes, and there is no soulbond.” He raised an eyebrow. “Anne wouldn’t have let me replace it if I tried, because this is all about you, Titus. She needs you to make the choice without the soulbond affecting it.”

For a long time he stared at me, and I’d have given anything at that point to know what Titus was thinking. “Why does she believe I only love her due to the soulbond?”

“It’s not the soulbond, but more she feels she pushed you into this in your first life, due to that kiss.”

Titus rolled his eyes. “I wanted her to kiss me.”

“Before then you’d fought her about the possibility of the two of you having a romantic relationship, and you couldn’t explain why. For lifetimes Anne’s felt guilty for pushing you into something you didn’t want, especially as then the twins were born, which both of you have struggled with. You couldn’t leave her, she couldn’t leave you… with things as they are now it’s easier for both of you to make a different decision, because I can talk to the twins. You can talk to the twins too.”

“Not that I think I should right now. Jules…”

“Don’t apologise. I know. What happened was the bond, and I forgave you a long time ago.”

“Why did you stay?”

Laughing, I shook my head. “I never stopped loving her, Titus, even though it’s clear you’re the only one she wants now.”

“Anne had no other choice, due to the twins.” There was a bleakness in Titus’s voice I expected to hear. “Whatever decision she makes will be coloured by the fact we have sons we both care about.”

Closing my eyes, I breathed in deeply, certain dealing with the two of them was going to be much more complicated than I wanted it to be. “You both want the other to make the choice willingly.” I raked a hand through my hair, studying him. “Anyone, even Seth, can see how much the two of you love each other, and this… it’s not going to change anything. Finding the soulmate won’t change anything. Whether or not you want to admit it the two of you want the same thing, which tells me you will end up together, making all of this entirely pointless.”

Silence followed my words, and then Titus laughed. “You’re probably right, but I love her too much to force her into anything, so this… maybe it is for the best. We’ll find a way to be together without the soulbond, although… I need you to find the soulmate, Jules. For Anne.”

“Unfortunately, Anne doesn’t want me, or the twins, to go looking for the soulmate, even though she knows you’ll ask us to do the opposite.”

“Logically, for us to be certain we’re making the right choices, we need the soulmate in Marren Vale. Anne has to be able to make the choice.”

“To her the choice is made, Titus. She can’t imagine being with anyone else.” I knelt in front of him, taking both his hands. “Anne is in love with you, and she has been since the beginning, because you are a good man…” He made a sound. “Whatever you may think of yourself.”

“Jules, I shoved you into a fire.”

“Regretting it immediately. Do you honestly believe I didn’t feel you try to drag me back out?” I bit down on my bottom lip. “You are forgiven. What happened was the bond, not my friend, so I need you to let go of the guilt, before it breaks you entirely.”

“How can I? She might have chosen you.”

“No, she wouldn’t.” Titus opened his mouth to argue, and I shook my head, almost tempted to channel Anne for a moment, because it would make keeping him quiet easier. “She loves you. My existence was never going to change that.”

“You can’t say that, when I Saw the Possibility.”

“Maybe you did, but that was not a Possibility here.”

Another silence, longer than before. “Julian…”

“We both know Thaddeus was right, Titus. There are other Marren Vales. Every one of them is different, but I think there are more where she chose you than she did any of the other Possibilities, because of who you are. You chose her over everything else, including your own future.”

Closing his eyes, he breathed in deeply. “I’ve Seen her choose other men.”

“Titus, what you’ve Seen isn’t reality.” I kept my voice gentle. “Anne loves you. She broke the bond, choosing potential insanity, for you. Clearly this was the worst possible time for this, as it’s not like she can communicate with you, and she did make an emotional choice, because she’s terrified of a future without you in it. Even though it makes no logical sense she believed this was the best way for the two of you to find another way.”

“I’ve Seen her with her soulmate.” Had I imagined speaking? “Every time it went wrong.” Titus opened his eyes. “Asking you to go looking for him is an emotion choice too, because he’s not the final solution, and we both know it. Only I can’t help wondering if she’s going to love him more than she ever loved me. Whoever he is he was made for her in a way I wasn’t.”

“Do you actually believe that?” He shrugged. “As soon as you’re old enough the two of you could walk into the birthplace of magic…”

Face whiter than I’d ever seen it, Titus shook his head. “I need to be certain.”

“How does being certain change anything?” Again, I stayed gentle, because he didn’t want to go back into the birthplace after it nearly killed him, and if I was right he’d probably Seen enough to make the thought even more terrifying. “You don’t want to enter the birthplace again, understandably. If I’d gone through what you had I can’t imagine how complicated it would be to make that decision, but Anne wants you.”

“She does for now, Jules.” Titus sighed. “Certainty doesn’t make going into the birthplace with her any less terrifying, but it at least means I know I’m not potentially destroying both our souls for the wrong reasons. I love Anne, and I hate the very thought of us not having a future, so this… I know our choices don’t make sense to you. Why go through all of this when we both believe we love each other? Neither of us wants the other to choose for the wrong reasons. Anne thinks the reason I love her is the soulbond, while I worry she’ll fall in love the moment she sees her soulmate. Even though we might end up together at the end of this I want her to have a choice, the same way she wants me to have one, so… please. Find her soulmate. Bring him here.”

“Leaving her isn’t something I’m willing to do now, Titus.” He bit down hard on his bottom lip. “Fortunately, there is another option. Your sons are willing to go out into the world to find their mother’s soulmate. I think that’s our best chance.”

“Jules, letting them go out there alone…”

“Anne’s decision means we have limited options, and they’re more than capable. I wouldn’t be suggesting this if I didn’t see them both as strong men able to protect themselves from whatever might be out there.” Gently, I squeezed Titus’s hands. “She raised them well. Both have lived multiple lives, learning from her, so I think we can support them from a distance.”

“Convincing Anne to let them go alone will be harder.”

“Probably, yes, but in the end this is due to her choices. If she hadn’t broken the bond in a moment of emotion we wouldn’t be having this conversation. At this point I’d be preparing to leave Marren Vale with Seth and Sebastian.” Sighing, I shook my head. “To be honest I think she’d be willing to accept anything at this point, because she hasn’t broken you entirely, so…”

“Had I not been prepared for the possibility she would have done. I felt her magic, Jules. She wanted to take my memories.”

“Not so much wanted. I think her emotions got the better of her. Without your memories of her you’d be meeting her for the first time, and that would change everything.” I shrugged. “At the same time it would be a far bigger problem than Anne anticipated, because taking everything… you’d never be who you were, so then she might fall in love with someone else.”

“Or she’d take the other path, and spend the rest of this life, our last chance to save her, trying to get me back.”

Slowly, I nodded. “From the way she reacted I have a horrible feeling that would be more likely. Losing you would break her, Titus.”

“I think you need to go back to her, tell her I’m fine, and talk her into letting the boys go out into the world alone.”

“Later I will, but she was sleeping when I left her. She is still an infant physically, and using that kind of power… if she was anyone else she wouldn’t have been able to.”

“What I don’t understand is how she could do it. Using her power… the soul magic, yes, although breaking the vow… Jules, she shouldn’t be able to do that. Thaddeus was far stronger than both of us.”

“Anne’s connection to the birthplace during this stage of her life is in flux. She doesn’t know it exists, the way the two of us do, but when she tries to do things she shouldn’t be able to do she pulls on it the way you can pull on her. Removing the vow was another emotional decision, because she’s always blamed Thaddeus for you not being honest with her. The way she feels about him… it’s just as well his soul is gone. Coming across him in this life… I don’t doubt for a moment she’d make certain he could never affect your lives again.”

“Papa did what he believed was best for both of us.”

“Do you still think he was right?”

“Not entirely. Being with Anne… I understand why he felt the way he did, Jules, because he did truly see us as siblings, but we… after what happened, their deaths and the fire, it changed everything, and everyone. Our relationship wasn’t… it’s so hard to put into words. We relied on each other entirely. Clearly she already knew I hadn’t been born a Lockwood.”

“Titus, she knew that from the time you were children.” I ran my tongue over my bottom lip. “She asked me once if I’d noticed, and I didn’t say anything, which, of course, was more than enough of an answer for her. When she chose not to say anything it was for you. To her it didn’t matter whether or not you were her brother, because she loved you, the same way you loved her. Had Phoebe not told her you were in love with her Anne would have made the same choice throughout the lifetimes for you. As far as she was concerned you only wanted to be her brother, until she learnt otherwise.”

“You didn’t tell me then.”

“Why would I? It wasn’t that long after Silas introduced you to the Blackthornes for the first time, and you were broken. She saw it. Honestly I think it’s the reason she came to me when she did. Even now I remember her putting her hand on my arm, her eyes locking with mine, as she told me the final decision was yours to make.”

For the first time a smile touched Titus’s lips, a tear rolling down his cheek at the same time. “We always chose each other, didn’t we?”

“Always.” I let go of one hand to wipe the tear away. “Even now you’re both choosing each other, in an entirely illogical fashion, but it’s who you are.” Carefully, Titus was tiny, I rested my forehead on his, looking into his eyes. “You have your memories, so there’s no doubt in my mind Anne will choose you in the end, because I can’t see any other possibility.” He opened his mouth again. “What you See and what I see are two very different things, because you don’t see souls the way I do. Phoebe taught you a few things, so you understand, yet you still aren’t a soul mage.”

“Maybe you’re right.” He took my hand again. “Thank you. For everything. Especially still being here. I know you did it for Anne, but being able to talk to you… Jules, I truly am sorry.”

“I know.” Moving, I kissed his forehead, feeling more paternal than I really should have done when it was Titus. “You truly are forgiven, so you don’t need to keep saying it.” We both heard sounds from the other side of the door. “After I’ve talked to Anne I’ll come back. She probably won’t be awake, which means it might be a few hours, but I do think she’ll agree.”

“Hopefully she will, because I can’t go down into the birthplace with her without knowing for certain I am the one she wants to be with for the rest of time.”

Nodding, I stood, giving Titus a moment before Emory entered the room to act more normally, even though he was never good at playing toddler. For a moment I watched the two of them, because I could feel the worry in Emory’s soul. Titus sat, pretending to play with blocks, as Emory crossed the room, kneeling beside him.

“Titus, I need you to understand Mama and I will love you no matter what.” I studied Titus, because I’d clearly missed something, but he didn’t seem at all bothered. “Having another child… I know it’s going to be hard for you…”

Before Emory could say anything more Titus stood, wrapping his arms around Emory, something I’d very rarely seen him do with any of his parents. “I’m happy.” Clearly he’d chosen words he should know, because that wasn’t at all what he meant, but I understood the same way Emory did. “You’re happy, so I’m happy.” He kissed Emory on the cheek, Emory’s eyes widening. “Brother or sister?”

Gloria was pregnant, which was normal enough. Titus was never affected when his parents had other children. His reaction was unusual, but I knew he did it for Emory, probably because he learnt about the pregnancy at the same time he found out Anne had soul magic, so they expected him to be shocked. A normal child might have been, if they were old enough to understand what was happening. Slipping away, letting Titus do whatever he thought he needed to, I returned to Anne’s bedroom, where she was still sleeping. Bernard was in the room, gently pressing a hand to her forehead.

“She doesn’t have a fever.”

Using the magic she had meant her body needed time to recover, so she was sleeping for longer than they expected her to. “Anne had a long day today, Bern.” Lucille stepped over to him. “She’s probably exhausted. Just let her sleep.”

He nodded, as Lucille wrapped her arms around him. “I can’t help worrying. She’s my little girl.”

“I know.” She touched her lips to his cheek. “Are you going to tell Emory?”

“Yes, if he truly does want our children to be closer.” Bernard sighed, and I studied him, because there was something else I didn’t know about. “Lucy, how do I explain it?”

“We made the decision together.” Lucille looked down at Anne. “For us to have a child it was the only way. He will understand.”

Confused, I studied Lucille, but it wasn’t as though her soul could tell me anything about her body. If she physically couldn’t have a child… I raked a hand through my hair. Bloodlines were important. Everyone thought Anne was Bernard and Lucille’s daughter. Yet she had strong soul magic, far stronger than Bernard’s, which… I was sure I’d seen a soul link. Looking more closely I saw the same soul link, as though Lucille was family, so maybe… it made sense to have a surrogate who was within Lucille’s family. Bernard might have thought his children could have soul magic, which led to certain choices…

“Only it means explaining I shared a bed with your cousin, and she’s pregnant with our second.” Bernard closed his eyes. “Everyone believes we have a perfect relationship.”

Glancing down at Anne I saw her eyes were open, and she was looking between her parents, having heard most of the conversation. “We do have a perfect relationship. Needing a surrogate doesn’t mean we love each other any less, Bern. Thanks to Marise was have Anne, and soon we’ll have another baby, who we’ll love just as much as we love Anne.” Lucille looked down, smiling at Anne. “Hello, darling.”

Lucille reached in, lifting Anne into her arms, kissing her forehead. “She heard all of that.”

“Stop worrying.” Lucille rocked Anne gently. “What Anne heard makes it clear we both love her. As far as I’m concerned she is my daughter. Nothing else matters.”

Had it not been for Thaddeus Anne might not have believed that, but she’d seen her own father take in a boy he loved exactly the same way he loved his biological daughter. Anne looked up into Lucille’s eyes, reaching out for a finger, the way she so often did. With a smile Lucille looked at Bernard.

“Everything is fine.”

Anne let her eyes drop for a moment, so she was looking at me. ‘Titus?’

‘Told me to search for the soulmate, so he’s not lost his memories, but is insistent I go. With you not having a bond… I need to stay in Marren Vale, just in case, so I need you to agree to something I doubt you’re going to be happy about.’

‘Jules…’

‘Seth and Sebastian are capable men.’

‘Yes, they are, but Titus recently removed the block on Seth’s ability to See, and I… there’s no easy answer here. They’ll go, because it’s what Titus wants. Logically it makes sense. He needs to be certain. Until I meet my soulmate he can’t be, so now we’re here, thanks to my foolish decision.’

‘We can compromise. They don’t need to leave today, even though that was the original plan. If I explain to them things have changed they’ll accept they need to wait a little longer. Especially as Sebastian will worry about the decision you made to remove the bond.’

‘Of course he will.’ Anne closed her eyes for a moment. ‘Can you reassure him I’m fine?’

‘I will, but that doesn’t mean they won’t want to see for themselves, Anne, because they both love you.’

‘Having them see me like this… I know they do, and yet it will feel much more real if they’re in the same room.’

‘At least this time you can communicate with them.’ I smiled at her. ‘You’re using soul magic in an interesting way.’

‘Titus needed to hear my voice, Jules, so I did what I had to do. Bernard told Emory Gloria was pregnant, because he could see the soul growing within her, which meant Titus knew I had soul magic, and he panicked. He’s always believed if I could truly see his soul I’d leave him, when that was never going to happen. I love him.’

‘Even knowing what you did.’

‘Please don’t judge me.’

‘Love, I’m not judging you. We don’t choose who we fall in love with, and there’s a lot of good in Titus, so I understand why you feel the way you do.’