Father and Son

Even though we technically didn’t need to sleep it was easier to rest at night. Fortunately we had separate rooms, Mama making the decision in our first life it was best for us, otherwise our lives would be too intertwined. Being twins was complicated enough without people forcing us together at all times. I moved silently, because sometimes Seth still knew when I was up to something, but today I wanted to be alone, for a conversation I wasn’t even certain I could have. That depended on whether Papa had Seen it.

Stepping through the door, not certain what I’d find, my eyes met with Papa’s. “Sebastian…”

“I need to know.”

“There’s no simple answer, in part because I don’t truly understand.” He raked a hand through his hair. “When Anne had her first child I expected it to be with her soulmate, even if we did have a relationship before she met him. Her pregnancy…” Sighing, he gestured for me to sit down. “You were a mistake. I hate using that word, but it wasn’t planned, because that… after the ritual we talked, before we learnt about the two of you. Even though she wasn’t happy she accepted it was more logical to wait. Until the morning sickness.”

“Did you…”

“Never.” Papa sat, and I joined him, feeling his hand on mine. “Ending the pregnancy didn’t cross my mind, Sebastian. As terrified as I was I thought I’d be able to be a better father than I was. It was the first time I held you…” He shook his head. “Loving the Heart is complicated enough. When Papa asked me to accept the soulbond I knew nothing about what came next was going to be easy, but I told myself I’d be strong enough to walk away. Maybe, if Anne never found out, I could have… or at least done my best to. Being in love with her… I don’t even know how to put it into words.”

“You felt something?”

“Something that doesn’t necessarily mean what it seems to.” Papa stared into the distance, but I couldn’t take my eyes off him. “Both of you are stronger than the average mage. You are an empath, who’s able to tell whether someone’s lying, just like your mother. It doesn’t necessarily mean you are entwined with the birthplace the way she is.”

“Let’s assume I am. What does it mean?”

Papa looked at me, our eyes meeting. “Nothing good.”

“Could I help Mama?”

“A bond with your own mother is not something you want.” There was a certainty in his voice I’d half expected, and he was absolutely honest. “What I tell you next is something I need you to keep to yourself. I know you’ll tell Seth, Julian probably isn’t a problem either because he watches people more than I do, but other than that no one else can find this out.”

“Even Mama?”

“She suspects. One day I’ll tell her.”

“Before we return with her soulmate. You need to reconnect with her, Papa. She does love you. If Julian’s right…”

“For so long I’ve believed the soulmate is the final solution.” I raised an eyebrow, as Papa raked a hand through his hair. ”Papa believed he was. My doubts are due to the love I have for Anne… and Julian telling me I was a fool to think the soulbond wouldn’t affect everything. After all this time there’s a chance the soulbond will be stronger, but it still needs the ritual. Unfortunately, as much as I hate the very thought, he probably is right.”

I nodded. “Honestly, the last thing I want is to make this harder for you. Seth’s plan was never mine. Although I wanted to help Mama it never once crossed my mind that removing you was the right way of doing it. You have my word nothing you say will be shared with anyone other than Seth and Julian… and Mama if you tell her.”

Magic swirled around us, and Papa’s hand tightened on mine. “The second generation of souls were created.” He ran his tongue over his bottom lip. “It’s hard to explain, but I… originally I brought magic to Marren Vale, by entering the birthplace, and it changed me. Papa believed I was the best person to have the bond for that reason, until he Saw I’d fall in love with Anne. When he tried to convince me it would be best for someone else to have the bond I fell in bad habits, assuming it was because he’d changed his mind, when it was due to him caring as much about me as he did his blood daughter.”

“Hence you seeing souls.”

“Exactly, which… I’m not a Riordan, Sebastian. What Julian can do is beyond me entirely. I can see souls, though, and I watched the two of you come into existence, which was slightly terrifying. Realising the two of you are truly made of us… again, words aren’t exactly easy to come by when I’m describing things like this.”

“Papa, was it only the second generation?”

“There was more of a mix from the third generation, of existing and new souls, but it wasn’t just the second generation new souls were birthed. Seth saw them, didn’t he?”

“You’re the one who said we were made of you.”

“I did, yes, and learning quite how much is something that will take some time to work through.” He breathed in deeply. “All I can do apologise, for being such a terrible father. You both deserved better, and I will do better, even though I know it’s not going to be enough.”

“Not just with us.”

For a few seconds he stared at me, and I expected anger, but then he laughed. “Yes, I know. Do better with Mama too.” He nodded. “If she’ll let me I will rebuild our relationship, so when you return here with the soulmate, or at least news of him, it will hopefully be in a better state. What I can’t do is promise anything.”

“Mama’s more stubborn than you are, Papa. I’m not expecting anything. All I ask is that you trying.” Sighing, I rested my head on his shoulder. “What did you mean when you said nothing good?”

“One of the reasons Papa wanted your mother protected was the possibility of two things – someone attempting to harm her, more likely in the very early days before the fire, or her being used for her power. Elias tried it. When he did he died, because he wasn’t strong enough to take the soulbond, but Anne truly believed he cared about her.”

“Seth believed you had shredded his soul. I didn’t, there was always something you weren’t saying, and now I understand it was so Mama wouldn’t ask too many questions. Even though she knew you were lying she accepted it.”

“Anne finds it easier at times. I knew she didn’t believe me, and she could have pushed. Had she done… Papa was a very powerful man. Once I Looked, wondering if it was possible to tell her something more.” Shiver going down his spine, he shook his head. “Back then it seemed like the right thing to do, because I trusted Papa. Now… I made it without thinking, certain he’d choose someone else if I didn’t, not willing to trust anyone else with Anne’s life. Due to the lies I’ve had to tell our relationship is so fractured I don’t know if I can fix it.”

“How bad was it?”

“If I break the vow it’s strong enough to tear my soul into pieces. Julian might be able to patch it together, but even then that would cause the bond to break, and Anne… the power I’ve helped her to balance would flood her. Certain Riordans, like Julian, could create a new bond, as long as they moved fast enough, otherwise it would be impossible for them to get to her.”

“Your father, who chose you for the soulbond to protect Mama, asked you to make a vow that would do more than kill her if you were to tell her she was the Heart?”

“Or about the soulbond, or about my feelings for her if they happened. If it hadn’t been for Phoebe Anne wouldn’t have known I was in love with her.”

“Yes, she would.”

Papa shrugged. “She might have suspected there was something more, but there was no way for her to know for certain, unless she happened to ask, which… it was unlikely. Neither of us would have wanted to make our relationship more complicated, and we’d have actually been siblings in our second life.”

Moving my head, I stared at him. “Papa…”

“Honestly, I thought it for the best, Sebastian.” An unfortunate truth. “Even though I Knew falling in love with Anne was a Possibility I told myself it wouldn’t happen. Papa said it was a Certainty – if I was alive and a part of your mother’s life I’d fall for her. I even remember the moment I had no choice but to accept he was right, on the night of her first coming of age gathering. He’d left her his mother’s necklace, she was wearing a dress of Mama’s she’d used magic to make fit her correctly… not only was she beautiful, but she shone with light. Then I understood I’d been a fool.”

“She shone with light?”

“Due to the magic of the birthplace.” Papa’s eyes met with mine. “You shine with that lght too, Sebastian, and I think you draw people to you in the same way. Seth doesn’t, but he inherited my charisma.”

“No one else has noticed.”

“Julian might. I’m not certain. Without him the Riordans’ strength dwindled. There have been a few with true power through the generations, but, in general, it was unlikely anyone could have. He could see bonds in a way none of his sisters or his father could.”

“As he didn’t say anything I don’t know if he did, but would the bond I have with Mama show differently?”

“Potentially. You can ask him, if you feel it’s safe.” Papa’s eyes met with mine. “While you’re out looking for the soulmate I want you to be very careful. Even I don’t know much about what’s on the other side of the wards now, so don’t do anything to put yourself at any risk. Or Seth.”

“He wouldn’t harm us.”

“Before I’d have trusted Julian with my life. I believe he has forgiven me. That doesn’t mean I’m going to stop worrying, Sebastian, because he knows I can See. He can use that however he wished, and he has spoken directly to me before.”

“Mama would never forgive him.”

Silence followed those words, Papa biting his bottom lip. “There are ways around that problem.” I raised an eyebrow. “No, I don’t necessarily believe he would, but I have Seen the possibility. At this point I’m choosing to trust him, the same way I’m trusting you and your brother to help me protect Anne.”

“No matter what you still care more about Mama than anyone else.” Stricken, he looked at me. “Papa, I didn’t mean it like that – it’s simply part of who you are. I can see it, although not in the same way. Mama’s your world.” Gently, I squeezed his hand. “Even if you had chosen, foolishly, to be her brother it would be the same. Julian mentioned another bond.”

“I know.”

“We understand.”

“You do, but Seth… I thought about going back.” Blinking, I studied Papa. “Seers can, if they’re strong enough, and I technically am. It’s not safe, anything might go wrong. Only if I did I could stop myself from making such terrible mistakes with the two of you. The problem is I’m not certain I would actually just go back in time. Papa believed there was more than one Marren Vale.”

“More than one?”

“Papa wasn’t born a Seer. I believe that’s my bloodline, not the Lockwoods. He was gifted the ability to See because he was the father of the Heart, and there was a chance I might not survive, so someone needed to protect Anne. With time I’ve become stronger, enough I think I can See the other Marren Vales if they’re similar enough to this one, but he Saw differently. Even now I’m not entirely certain I understand.”

“Grandpa’s journal?”

“Safely hidden with mine. You aren’t strong enough to get through my wards, even with your brother’s help.” Papa kissed my forehead. “I’ll share them with you when you’re old enough. The time has come for both you and Seth to learn everything, because I can’t assume it will be me your mother chooses.”

Rolling my eyes, I shook my head. “I’m certain it will be. Mama loves you too much to walk away.”

“Love isn’t always enough, Sebastian. Your mother deserves to be with someone she trusts, and I’ve broken that entirely, so I will understand if she chooses another man. Especially if it’s her soulmate. That bond…”

“Doesn’t matter the way you think it does. Papa, trust me. I might not be able to See, but I understand Mama’s emotions in a way I don’t think she does right now. Mostly because she’s been telling herself she can’t love you. She feels Seth’s judgement. Of course he‘s not accepted that’s what he’s doing. He can’t feel it the same way we do. With the two of you alone you stand a better chance of being able to reconnect, if you open up to her a little more. Not enough to break the vow.”

“Both of us have closed off from each other.” Papa stared into the distance again. “I… after Elias, seeing her with him, I just…” A tear rolled down his cheek. “That’s not something I could go through again. Watching Anne almost fall in love with another man… yet I’m sending you after her soulmate, so she can fall in love with another man.” He raked a hand through his hair. “Being close to her, and knowing he might walk into Marren Vale… I know what I need to do, Sebastian, but that doesn’t make it easy.”

“Nothing worth doing is easy.”

“Yes, you’ve met Julian.” He laughed. “Even now it’s still possible your mother might choose him.”

“Papa.”

“Until it happens, Sebastian, I can’t believe she’ll choose me.” I felt the truth of his words, and studied him more closely. “More than anything I want her to be happy, which… she isn’t. You can’t tell me otherwise. Even if she does still love me I’ve hurt her deeply. She’s been through the ritual time after time because of me.”

“For her.”

“I didn’t have any other option, but that doesn’t mean she won’t be furious with me at the end of all this for everything.” Papa closed his eyes. “When you love someone the way I love Anne sometimes the choice you have to make it to let them go, no matter how painful, and I will, if that’s what she wants. For her.”

“She won’t, Papa.” I leaned against him once more, doing my best to be the support he needed, my voice gentle. “Trust me. Your future will have Mama in it, and we’ll have a chance to be a different kind of family, although… the final ritual will change us too?”

“Yes, it should, but that… I’ll Look into it more deeply, because I don’t know if you might need to make a similar choice to Anne. Being part of her, part of the birthplace… by the time you return to Marren Vale I’ll have the answers you need. As you haven’t needed a balance the way she does I don’t think you will, but it might be different after the final ritual.”

“What about our partners?”

“Vows are powerful. With marriage vows we’ll be able to use your immortality for whoever you choose, which will then be passed on to your children, should you wish to have them.”

Mama knew, it wasn’t as though I’d been able to hide anything from her, but I’d never imagined the day would come when I’d feel I could be open with Papa. “Will they work for both genders?”

“For the immortality to pass on to your children you’d need to have a surrogate rather than adopt, but, yes, your husband will be as immortal as Seth’s wife.” Papa looked at me. “Thank you.”

“It’s not a problem?”

“Sebastian…” He curled an arm around me. “I love you for who you are, and I’m grateful you felt comfortable enough to tell me. Your mother’s not the only one paying attention. More than once you slipped away during a gathering, done with pretending for everyone, because you weren’t ready to say something to me. This time around you can dance with whoever you want.”

A tear rolled down my cheek, and I scrubbed it away. “I should have told you a long time ago.”

“Being open is never simple. You didn’t trust me. How could you tell me something so important about yourself without that? This, now, means so much, and… can I tell Anne? It might help if she knows I have been working to fix our relationship too.”

There was so much hope in Papa’s voice I would have said yes no matter what, but in that moment it was what I wanted too. It was important to me Mama knew about the time I’d spent with Papa. Nodding, I smiled.

“Mama should know, even if you don’t want to bring up Seth. He probably wouldn’t have a problem either.”

“Of course I don’t.” Seth walked into the room, joining us on the bed. “I thought you needed some time alone with Papa. Feel better?”

“Kind of.” I looked at my twin. “He broke the block.”

Papa looked between us. “I did it for you, Seth.” There was a truth in his voice, so I nodded, because he had. “Being able to See… I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, let alone my son, but I think, now, as you’re leaving Marren Vale, it might keep you safe.”

“You’re forgiven.” Seth’s eyes met with Papa’s. “I feel it too. That’s the bond between all of us, isn’t it? All four of us, although we’re more limited, are able to know when someone else is telling the truth.”

“It’s easier when it’s one of us. Anne I can read in a way I never thought was possible. The Council I’m often good with too, because I spend so much time with them, but other people… rely on Sebastian then.”

“Do I need to know anything?”

“Never take anything as a Certainty, even if it seems like it is. The Sight is complicated. Often it’s easier to learn by doing, but there is a book downstairs, one you can take with you on your journey, I wrote many years ago, not knowing you’d be the only other Seer. In other Marren Vales it’s different.”

“Rather than turning Phoebe down you shared a bed with her. One night was all it took to have Sybil.”

“Already experimenting?”

“Every Marren Vale I’ve Seen you’ve loved Mama, Papa. I needed to be certain of the choice we were making, and with Sebastian here it seemed like the best time to explore time, at least until he was done.”

“That is literally the only Certainty I have ever Seen. I love Anne.”

“She loves you.” I looked at Seth. “Finally I admit it, and, from what I’ve Seen, Papa, Seb’s right. Mama is far more likely to choose you than anyone else… even her soulmate. Hold on to that. Be the husband she needs you to be. Then we’ll find a way to save her.”