Titus

Unlike Anne Titus couldn’t see me straight away. He wasn’t a soul mage. I used the power of the Lockwood house to make it easier, waiting for his reaction, because that would tell me whether Anne had actually taken his memories or not. For a long time I stood in the corner of the room, watching as Titus actually behaved the way a toddler would, and that… I closed my eyes. Seeing what she’d done wasn’t something I particularly wanted to do, but I needed to, for Anne. Without Titus she was alone.

Breathing deeply, I opened my eyes again, studying Titus’s soul. Anne had left nothing behind, all memories of his past lives gone. She’d done a surprisingly small amount of damage, but Titus would never remember, which… how was I going to tell her? I’m sorry, love, you did destroy Titus’s memories entirely, and now you have to live through this life alone, because your emotions got the better of you. Then there was the more complicated part, it was our last chance to save her soul, so she had to choose someone to be by her side for the rest of time.

She’d ask if it could be Titus, even though he remembered nothing about what happened before. I looked at his soul once more, the soulbond no longer linking them and the third bond… I bit down hard on my bottom lip. How did I tell her she’d destroyed any chance of the two of them having a future together, because he didn’t have the power to be her partner. Whatever had made Titus who he was… until I saw it I hadn’t even known it was possible for a soul mage to do what Anne had, which was probably due to her connection to the birthplace of magic.

Rather than going straight back, Anne would still be asleep any way, I stayed, to watch over Titus. He kept playing with his blocks, and then I heard footsteps. Emory. I didn’t know what he expected when he walked in the room, but it wasn’t going to be what he found. Titus looked over as the door opened, a smile blossoming on his face when he saw his father, something that had Emory raising an eyebrow, because he definitely hadn’t anticipated dealing with toddler Titus.

Emory crossed the room, kneeling down beside Titus, who offered him a block. “Papa.”

“Thank you.” Emory ruffled Titus’s hair. “I wanted to talk to you about Mama’s pregnancy.”

“Another baby?”

Nodding, Emory studied his son, seeing the differences, and not understanding them. “Your sibling. I want you to know we will still love you the same way we always have, Titus.”

“I know.” Blinking, Emory shook his head. “Love…” Titus gestured with both hands, making as big a thing as he could, and I took a step back, because I couldn’t put it off any longer. “Not worried.”

Well, he wasn’t that different to the Titus I remembered, understanding parents could love a number of children at the same time, even if those children weren’t blood related to them. I followed the path I’d taken to the Darkholme house before, where Anne still slept. Bernard looked down at her, a hand gently touching her forehead, because he’d expected her to be awake earlier, not knowing about the magic she’d used. He was going to be one of the better fathers Anne had, which would hopefully help, considering what was to come.

“She’ll be fine, Bern.” Lucille stood in the doorway, eyes on Bernard. “You don’t need to worry so much.”

“Lucy, she should have been awake an hour ago, so I’m going to worry.” Bernard didn’t look at Lucille, keeping his eyes on Anne, and I turned my attention to her too, seeing she was awake, even though neither of them could tell she was. “I know it’s been harder for you, but this… I need to be certain everything is fine before I leave.”

“Maybe it was a mistake.”

Bernard didn’t say anything, and then Lucille walked away, leaving him alone with Anne. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. We made this decision together, because Lucy can’t have children, but now… I love you.” She moved slightly, enough for him to stroke a finger down her cheek. “No matter what I’ll be here. Promise.” Magic swirled around them. “You’re my daughter. That’s more important than anything else.”

Fortunately that was when he left the room, probably to talk to Lucille about what came next, because if she didn’t love her daughter… that was a problem for another day. I stepped over to Anne, who looked at me. Of course I didn’t need to say a word for her to know she had managed to take Titus’s memories. She closed her eyes, tears rolling down her cheeks, and I reached out with one hand, letting her grab my finger, holding it tightly as she cried silently. The best thing for me to do was give her time to work through her emotions. As one of the dead I wasn’t as badly affected by hers as someone living would be.

‘How bad it is, Jules?’

‘You didn’t just take his memories, love. I’m not certain how you did it, but you also took his power, so he’s just another Lockwood. He isn’t your Titus now.’

‘What do I do?’

‘I think we need to talk to the twins about what happened, so they have a chance to come to terms with what happened to Titus, and then… it might be best for them to go looking for your soulmate.’ She shook her head. ‘Anne, I know it’s not easy, but we have limited options right now. Titus told you the scars meant the time would come when you’d not be able to go through the ritual again.’

‘This life?’

‘Anne, I’m sorry.’

‘Stop apologising.’ Her grip on my finger tightened, but it wasn’t enough to do any real damage. ‘This is my fault. I let my emotions get the better of me, and now Titus is gone.’

‘One way or another we will find a way through this.’ I looked at her, her eyes meeting with mine. ‘That isn’t me saying it’s going to be easy, because it won’t be, but that doesn’t mean it’s not possible. What I need from you is a promise I know you’re not going to want to make.’

‘For me to have a chance of surviving I need to let go of Titus.’ More tears escaped. ‘Jules, I know. Are you… will you…’ She bit down on her bottom lip, shaking her head. ‘No, it’s not fair of me to ask, when you’ve already given up so much for me. Living again… you won’t remember either, and then I’ll be entirely alone.’

Using my free hand I gently stroked the side of her face. ‘Ask the question, love.’

‘Jules, I can’t.’

‘Would it put your mind at ease if I told you I’d most likely keep my memories now?’ She shook her head again. ‘If you want it to be me I’d say yes, because I’ve waited for this chance for lifetimes, and I understand you in a way no one else could. Not even your soulmate. Let’s talk to the twins. They can find him without me.’

‘Probably, yes, but that doesn’t mean I want them to go out into the world, especially as Titus just took away the block on Seth’s ability to See. They’re capable. I’m not saying they aren’t, and yet I can’t help worrying, because they are my children. Without Titus… can they still be my sons?’

‘That’s a complicated question to answer, especially as they have been Titus’s sons for lifetimes. I think it is possible, but I don’t know how easy it would be, and you’d need to ask if they actually want to be immortal. For us to protect you…’

Nodding, she breathed in deeply. ‘I know, and I’m not going to let Sebastian take my place, so it’s not as though I have any other choice.’ She tightened her grip on my finger again. ‘They’ve always been more my sons than they are Titus’s.’

‘Hence the decision they made. If they hadn’t… I don’t know how much they changed our future, Anne.’

‘Less than the fact I’m a soul magic, Jules, because that…’ Anne looked at the door. ‘Lucille isn’t my mother.’

‘Apparently not.’

‘What does that mean for me?’ Anne rolled, her eyes on mine. ‘I have soul magic, yes, and the magics I had before, but my bloodline… I need to find out who my mother actually is.’

‘Often a surrogacy like this will involve a family member, so maybe a sister or a cousin.’ I raked my free hand through my hair. ‘Lucille doesn’t have a sister, which means it will be one of her cousins, so that at least limits the possibilities.’

‘Lucille’s cousins…’ She ran her tongue over her bottom lip. ‘At least one of them also has a Riordan in their bloodline, which might explain why I could do what I did.’

‘You being the Heart is the most likely reason.’ Anne closed her eyes. ‘I know, love, but that’s how things are. What you’re capable of is very different to what someone else would be, due to your connection to the birthplace of magic. Sebastian might be the same, although his connection is more distant for now, as he isn’t the Heart. He’s just the son of the Heart.’

‘That’s how things will stay. Sebastian will never be the Heart. I need you to tell them now, Jules, because the conversation won’t be easy, especially if they want to come here afterwards. Papa might come back too. Maybe with my actual mother, rather than Lucille.’

Nodding, I stroked my hand down her face again. ‘I meant what I said, love, so think about what you want. We can find a way through this together.’

She shook her head, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to think about it, just that she wasn’t ready to accept she might actually want me to be there for her. There were a number of pregnancies… including Gloria’s, which… I couldn’t let myself think too much about that when I was around Anne. My emotions might tell her more than I wanted her to know. Leaning in, I kissed her forehead.

Eyes on mine, she squeezed my finger once more. ‘Thank you, Jules, for everything. Having you here has made this all easier, even though I don’t think I’m ever going to forgive myself for what I did to Titus.’

‘Anne, you made a mistake, and you were stronger than you realised. I understand why you feel the way you do, but he’d want you to forgive yourself, because he loved you, which is why he accepted the soulbond in the first place. What you did… you were trying to give him a chance to make the decision as the man he is now, rather than the child he was then.’

‘I know.’ Her eyes were wet. ‘The boys might not understand, because I’ve taken their father from them right when they were starting to get to know him, and that… tell them how sorry I am.’

‘Considering what Seth was willing to do I think he’d be more capable of forgiving you for this than you realise.’ I stepped back. ‘Everything is going to work out, Anne. You have my word I will find a way.’ Magic swirled around us. ‘No matter how complicated there will be a solution, even if it means me living again.’

Before she could argue with me, the way I knew she would, I left the Darkholme house, slipping more into the world of the dead, hoping the twins were still at the Gardens. When I reached my favourite greenhouse, that also happened to be Anne’s, they were sitting on the bench. As I stepped through the door their eyes met with mine. It was Sebastian who stood, able to feel my emotions, moving toward me, shaking his head.

“Please tell me I’m wrong.” He raked a hand through his hair as I glanced at Seth. “Seth Saw… Julian, is Papa… I know Mama didn’t do it on purpose, but we’d only just started to get to know him.”

“You aren’t wrong.” A tear rolled down Sebastian’s cheek. “In trying to give Titus a choice Anne made the worst mistake of her existence. She’s broken by what she did, Sebastian.”

“Of course she is. She loved Papa.” He stared at me. “I’m not angry with her. Just… is there anything that can be done for Papa?”

Sighing, I leaned against the doorframe. “Anne changed his soul, Sebastian, and there’s nothing I can do to change what she did, because she’s the Heart. She’s more powerful than any of us, which is why this happened – she didn’t realise what she was actually capable of if she tried to use magic now.”

“Mama removed the soulbond to give Papa a choice, only to end up taking that away from both of them.” Seth shrugged. “What happens next, Julian? Papa’s gone, so… how do we save Mama?”

“First I need the two of you to visit her.” Sebastian nodded. “She’s devastated, but she needs to know you understand, because it will make it easier for her to forgive herself.”

“Can we be her sons?” Of course Seth also had to ask that question. “I’ve Seen Possibilities…”

“Do you want me to be honest?”

“We need you to be.”

“Then the honest answer is I don’t know. Yet. Souls are complicated, and your souls, like Anne’s, are even more so, because of the number of lives you’ve lived as the sons of the same two people. I will say Titus said if Anne were to have children before she became truly immortal she’d need to keep having them with the same person, which is probably more due to the ritual than it is anything else.” Running my tongue over my dry lips, I thought about the conversations we’d had all those lifetimes ago, when I’d tried to convince Titus Anne could safely have a child. “For you to keep your memories Anne needed to be pregnant with you when they did the ritual. Due to the power needed it takes six sacrifices for each person, so twelve if it was both Anne and Titus, with another six if Anne were to get pregnant before the arrival of the soulmate.”

“I’m assuming any conversations the two of you had were theoretical.”

“Your father didn’t truly believe it was possible you’d be able to keep your memories until it happened. The conversations we had often turned into arguments. Anne loved children, even when she was a child herself, and there was no doubt in my mind she’d want to be a mother, but Titus… he didn’t think it was safe. Only he’d seen Possibilities where she was pregnant, not just in their first life. He wasn’t even one of the potential fathers, because he didn’t believe they’d have a relationship, thanks to the vow he’d made Thaddeus.”

“So he planned for that Possibility? Mama having a child with someone else?”

“Accepting what he had to do for Anne wasn’t easy, Seth. Sacrificing other mages… he might not have shown any signs, but he cared, deeply. Only she came first, because we’d both Seen what would happen to her. Disconnecting, to him, was the easiest way. If Anne were to get pregnant he knew she’d be in love with whoever it was. He’d try to get her to wait until her soulmate arrived in Marren Vale, knowing he was dealing with someone who’d do whatever she wanted, no matter what he said. Losing the father of her child would be painful, so he’d draw them into the ritual, somehow finding more sacrifices, to make certain she could be with the man she loved.”

“Only then she chose Papa.”

“Making the whole situation both more and less complicated.” I closed my eyes. “Less, because they were always both going to be part of the ritual, but more when it came to their relationship. Anne was capable of setting aside her fear you wouldn’t remember her in order to be the mother you needed, while Titus… he struggled with the fact Anne chose him to begin with. He believed he’d failed Thaddeus, so having children… I’m sure he told you at least some of this. Although I won’t know for certain until we try I do believe someone else can be your father.”

“You?” My eyes met with Sebastian’s. “It’s not as though you don’t love her the same way Papa did.”

“That has to be her decision, Sebastian.” I stepped closer to him, putting a hand on his shoulder, even though he was taller than me. “Whatever happened she loves your father, and that’s not just going to stop due to him not being who he was, so I need to give her time, although I do have a plan if she agrees to at least try. Anne doesn’t want you to find her soulmate, but I think it would still be for the best. Otherwise it’s just me, which feels wrong.”

With a nod, Seth stood, joining us. “I think you’re right, but we will need to convince Mama. She’ll worry.”

“She was awake when I left, but she’d learnt something unexpected, because Lucille isn’t her mother.”

“No, that’s Lucille’s cousin, Marise.”

“Explaining why Anne’s such a strong soul mage.” I wasn’t surprised it was Marise, but I’d need to tell Anne if she hadn’t already learnt. “How did you know?”

“Mama will have another sibling, and that, I believe, will break Bernard’s marriage for good, because Lucille can’t love another woman’s child, even when that woman is a cousin who she actually talked into being a surrogate for the two of them. Lucille also believes that Bernard has fallen in love with Marise, even though he’s only ever loved Lucille.”

“Relationships are complicated.” I looked at Seth, and then at Sebastian. “Are you ready?”

“Julian, we’re never going to be ready for this, but we’ll do it, for Mama.” Seth looked at Sebastian, who nodded. “It’s not as though I wasn’t planning on killing Papa, so… I’ll explain our plan, because I think it might actually help.”

“It might.” Stepping aside, I breathed in deeply. “You two go first. Tell Anne I’ll be there, but I need a bit of time to work through things myself.”

“Do you need one of us to stay?” Sebastian sounded truly worried. “We can if you want.”

“Thank you, Sebastian, for the offer. I appreciate it.” He nodded, feeling my truth. “For now I think I need some time alone. Anne’s not the only one who lost someone today, and I need to grieve for a friend.”

Sebastian put his hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Jules. You know where we’ll be if you do need us.”