Shared Dreams

Anne’s tiredness wrapped around me, and I felt arms gently lift me, it could only have been Emory, as I drifted into sleep myself. Having such a young body was always the same, but this time I found myself drawn into her dream. She lay beneath me, eyes on mine, hers shimmering with a love I never thought she could feel, until she forced me to accept it, that moment one I knew she still felt guilty about. Gently, I stroked the hair off her face, able to change the dream in a way I probably shouldn’t.

“Titus?”

“It seems this is going to be a life when nothing is quite how it was.” Smiling, I touched her nose with mine, trying to put her mind at ease. “You only did what I wanted you to do, Anne. Being the one to make the first move…”

She ran her fingers down my spine, a shiver going through me. “This is very strange.”

“Yet wonderful.” I kissed her, deeply, her hands tangling into my hair once more, as I let myself move within her, feeling her moan into my mouth. “Being here, with you… you are my everything.”

Words were lost to her, the same way they had been then. Even though we were our past selves we were connecting in our current life, strengthening our relationship in a way I hadn’t known was possible, but maybe it had something to do with her soul magic. A conversation for later, if we had the time. Right then what I wanted was to show her what she meant to me, the way I had then, because she did love me. Maybe the twins were right. She wrapped her legs more tightly around me, most likely feeling my emotions, and when I looked into her eyes once more all the doubts I’d had faded.

Certain of her choice, the way she had been, she pulled my lips back down to hers, as I stroked my fingers down her body. We’d learnt each other, and I knew what she liked in a way I hadn’t then. I’d been clumsy, doing my best to show her how much she meant to me, my arguments having an effect because I’d had to say no, due to Papa. Giving in… he wanted us to be siblings. Anne was right – I hadn’t let myself think about what I wanted, instead letting his beliefs guide my future. She wasn’t willing to accept that. Not when she loved me, in a way I didn’t think anyone could.

Vibrating underneath me, body surrendering to the moment, I kissed Anne again, my own doing the same. Dream clean up might be easier than real life. She looked up into my eyes, wrapping her hand around something I couldn’t see. When she tugged it I felt the bond. Heart sinking, I closed my eyes, going to pull out of her, only for her legs to stop me.

“Sweetheart…”

“I love you.” Those words were more painful than I wanted them to be. “Listen to me, Titus Lockwood.” Slowly, I nodded, accepting what she needed in that moment, because I’d broken her trust in such a way she’d probably never be able to forgive me. “From the beginning there’s been so much you haven’t told me, saying you couldn’t, and I always suspected it had something to do with Thaddeus.” Once more she tugged the bond. “You are a fool.”

“All that mattered was the fact you needed me.”

“Giving up everything you could have had.” She stroked her free hand down my cheek. “I see the vow, darling, and how tightly wrapped around your soul it is. Now I have soul magic I can free you.”

Before I could say a word her strong magic did wrap around me, in a way it never had before, gently unravelling the vow I’d made to Papa all those years earlier. Until then I hadn’t realised how constrained my soul felt. The bond stayed, even though she could have removed it, and then I understood what it meant. Julian was the one soul mage who’d been able to see bonds before, including the one connecting Anne to her soulmate. She had to know. Why leave the soulbond? Did I ask?

“You’re my choice.” Her eyes met with mine, as I stared at her. “Tell the boys to stay in Marren Vale.”

“No.”

“He means nothing to me, and he will always mean nothing to me. You are my other half. A soulmate is nothing in comparison. That bond might as well not exist. It’s not possible for him to take your place. I know you won’t want to hear this, but it never was. Once the soulbond was created…” She ran her tongue over her bottom lip. “Julian told you.”

“Julian told me.” I shrugged, and when I went to pull out she let me, dream clean up not existing at all, which made one thing simpler. “He became the first scar on my soul, the bond choosing to protect itself, which… I hated the thought of anyone else being your protector. They didn’t care the way I did.”

What I expected in that moment was Anne’s censure. Standing, still naked, I stepped away, only for her to wrap her warm arms around my waist, her lips against my shoulder blade. No words, just comfort. I didn’t deserve it. Yet she seemed to have decided otherwise.

“I choose you, Titus Lockwood. Titus Blackthorne.” A name I hadn’t heard for lifetimes, since we’d made the decision I’d be the Lockwood, because it made everything easier until I realise it actually didn’t. “There’s still so much I don’t understand, but it doesn’t matter.” Yes, it did, and she’d realise that when I told her she was the Heart of Marren Vale. “Not when it comes to us.” Her lips were on my shoulder blade again, softly warm. “My decision is the same it’s always been – you have my heart.”

“Don’t make any decision until you know everything, Anne.” My voice throbbed my pain, her comfort not enough, because she’d walk away soon. “I always chose you, because I love you in ways I never believed I could. Papa told me. Warned me. Said I had to be your brother, so everything would work out the way it was meant to, unwilling to accept the soulbond would make your relationship with the soulmate an impossibility. He didn’t have time, but you had to be protected.”

“From?”

“Yourself.” I bit down hard on my lip. “None of us know how it came to be, but you are the Heart of Marren Vale. Without you there is no magic, and without magic you will fade into nothing, only you are stronger than your soul was capable of dealing with alone. Again, we didn’t know why. Papa needed to find a solution, his own strength destroying his soul faster than the others, because you came first. Leading us to the soulbond. Only I was truly strong enough to help you balance the power for this long, so Papa asked me, knowing I’d say yes, before changing his mind when he realised I fell in love with you. Then he tried to get me to transition the bond to Julian, even though it probably would have destroyed him.”

“Saying no caused new fractures in your relationship with Thaddeus.”

Nodding, I closed my eyes. “He died thinking I hated him, but the reality is he cared about me as much as he did you, and what he didn’t want was for me to go through the pain of being your brother when I was so deeply in love with you. Your decisions changed that. Being here, together… it was never meant to happen, Anne, and now it has I don’t know how to let you go, when you’re meant to be his.”

Anne wasn’t gentle when she turned me around, eyes burning with anger when they met with mine, but I didn’t dare look away. “How many times do I have to say it, Titus? You are my other half, and I’m not letting you go.” I opened my mouth to argue, only to have her press a finger to my lips. “Enough. Thaddeus does not get to choose my future for me. Neither do you.” She softened. “You know I wouldn’t hold you back if you wanted to leave me, right?”

Blinking, words entirely lost to me, I stared at her. Slowly, trying to find something to say, I shook my head, not certain why she’d think I would, after everything. A tear rolled down my cheek, and she used the finger she’d silenced me with to wipe it away.

“My love, that’s not what I want.” She stood on her toes to kiss where the tear had been. “When I said you’re my other half I meant it. Only I worry you never felt like you had a choice. Even this…” Gesturing, she breathed in deeply. “I love you. The only future I can imagine has you where you’ve always been, but I care too much to make that decision for you now.” Her voice broke. “Do you want me to free you?”

“Without the soulbond you’ll be destroyed.”

“There are ways.” I hated those words. “Give it some time, and think about what your life might have been like if you hadn’t been trapped by the soulbond.”

Fury swept through me I knew she felt, but she didn’t falter. “I wasn’t trapped.”

“You were barely old enough to make the decision.” Anne’s rage blazed right back at me. “I wouldn’t have been given one if I hadn’t grabbed it with both hands.” She shook her head. “The last thing I am going to do is hold you to a promise you made Thaddeus.”

“He loved you.”

“I don’t care. He used you.” When I opened my mouth to say something she slammed her finger back. “No, I will not listen to you defend the man, because you still…” She breathed in deeply. “Titus, I need you to make this decision of your own free will. For this I am not the Heart.” Anne hadn’t reacted when I said those words, and she should have. “Maybe I am the woman you love, but that… there are no vows, no soulbonds, just two normal people.”

Magic meant we were never going to be normal, and I had made a vow of my own free will, when I held Anne as she cried over the bodies of our first parents. That didn’t exist any longer either, as she’d unravelled it the same time she had the other. Even if I hadn’t the way I felt about her… her finger dropped as she looked at me, waiting for the response, only for the house to start fading around us. A smile touched her lips.

“Now you have to take some time to think about it.”

Before I had a chance to respond the house, and Anne, were gone, leaving me alone, my own emotions barely under my control. I breathed in deeply, dressing myself mentally. She wasn’t wrong. Papa had used me, but it was what I wanted. After everything I needed to be someone he trusted, so when he asked me to be Anne’s protector there was no possible way I’d be able to say no, especially knowing what I did about her being the Heart. Now she knew too… her lack of reaction something I still didn’t understand, unless being a soul mage meant she could see what she was too.

Sighing, I raked a hand through my hair, wishing I’d asked her before everything faded, because then I’d be more certain of the choices she’d been making. If she knew everything… had she come to the same conclusion? The only way to save her was for her to make the final decision, and then I understood. Of course she did. Why else would she be so determined I thought about what I truly wanted? She wanted me, but that changed both of us in ways I couldn’t See, and not being able to See… well, maybe it was for the best. Like her it had to be my decision, which…

What I wanted to do was talk to her, but Anne would tell me what I already suspected. For her to be willing to take me down to the birthplace of magic with her, to literally bind our souls for the rest of time, I needed to be certain it was what I wanted, and that… there had always been a plan. She’d be with her soulmate, because it was what Thaddeus wanted, even though I’d hoped our relationship was enough for her to choose me. Then Elias happened, with more fractures appearing in our relationship, my inability to tell her everything always the biggest complication.

For the first time I was free. I could tell Anne everything, only she already knew. Yet it didn’t seem to have affected how she felt about me, and that… I closed my eyes, feeling her behind me once more, lips pressing to my shoulder blade, because she understood what I’d been through due to the vow. She believed I would have told her if I could, even though that wasn’t entirely true. I’d Seen her lost too, souls disintegrating in front of me, something I couldn’t live through. Keeping Anne safe was more important than anything else, including my own feelings. Should I tell her that? Be completely open with her now I could?

There was no easy answer. Love wasn’t the magical solution to everything, and it never had been. We also had the twins to think about, so I might need to have another conversation with them before they left, to tell them their mother knew everything. She didn’t want the soulmate… although they were the ones who said that already. It seemed they knew their mother better than I did, but then I couldn’t let myself hope. Not yet. Even now I could see her with other people. From our first life people fell in love with her. Including me, although that… was it different, or was it just the Heart?

Another of the questions she’d be asking herself. Did I truly love her? I started walking, needing to move, in the trees that surrounded Marren Vale. Would I have loved her if she wasn’t the Heart? How could I answer that question? She was what she was, and that… I’d never felt the way I did about Anne about literally anyone else. There had been others who’d fallen for me, trying to draw my attention away from her, but it wasn’t possible. Being with her… it was all I wanted, even though I’d have been her brother if I had to be, to keep her safe.

My life without Anne… I didn’t want to think about it, and yet I had to. She needed me to be honest with myself before I made the decision to be hers for the rest of time. Fortunately we had a few years. The time would come when she’d be safe, but I might still put it off, not give her my final decision until she actually met her soulmate, so she could be truly certain she wanted to be with me. If she fell in love unexpectedly… I sighed, feeling my body begin to wake, my decision nowhere near being made.

When I opened my eyes I was at the Lockwood house once more, staring up at ceiling, wishing she was beside me. Only toddler Titus didn’t have a wife yet. I rolled onto my side, seeing Anne with her soulmate again. For so long that was the only possibility I’d been able to imagine, even though I loved her in ways I’d never truly been able to put into words, and now… she wanted me. Accepting that was harder than I expected it to be, after everything we’d been through to get to where we were.

‘Can you hear me?’ Anne’s voice was suddenly in my head. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘What for?’ I should have said yes, but her apology threw me. ‘Obviously, yes, I can hear you, but this… it’s going to cause problems if I’m even more disconnected from the Lockwoods.’

‘Fortunately I’m not planning on doing this too often, at least for now, but I didn’t mean to disappear on you. This being a baby thing is horrible, and I’m not doing it again.’

‘I know.’ Glancing at the time I saw I had another ten minutes before it was likely Emory would check on me. ‘Anne, I was never going to tell you.’

She laughed. ‘Titus, I know.’ It was almost as though her eyes were on mine, even though we were in two different houses. ‘You thought it was the best way to protect me, which… I don’t agree with you, but it’s always been different for me. Every decision you’ve made throughout the lifetimes has been coloured either by what you’ve Seen or what Thaddeus Saw. How can I be upset with you for that?’

‘Do you truly want it to be me?’

The silence following went on for so long I thought she’d gone entirely, not willing to answer the question. ‘What do you want the answer to be?’

‘Honest.’ That made her laugh again. ‘I love you. Nothing will ever change that. Maybe it is because you’re the Heart. What I’ve never done is really stop to think, because there’s no changing what you are. For whatever reason you were born a part of the magic of this world, and, sweetheart, if you want me by your side then that’s where I want to be.’

‘Darling, this will be forever. There’s no going back. I love you. Always have done. Being your wife… we’ve been through so much pain to get to where we are, and that… I’d choose you in an instant, because I do want to be with you for the rest of time, whatever you might believe about this soulmate. He will never be able to take your place, when you made yourself my soulmate all those lifetimes ago. Yes, the soulbond is created, but after so many lives together there was no other possibility. Fortunately you didn’t make the foolish decision to be my brother. It would have caused so many problems.’

‘Julian said the same thing, but Papa was so certain it was the best way.’

‘Yes, well, Thaddeus was a fool. He didn’t understand what he was doing, what he’d done, or how this was going to entwine our souls in such a way it would be next to impossible to break, unless you were dealing with someone who had the power to do it. Like me.’

‘What happens if you do break it?’

‘For the first time, my love, you’re free.’

‘Anne, don’t. This isn’t about me. What happens to you?’

‘Make the decision for you, Titus. Not me. I want you to be able to do whatever is right for you. Our future… please, this is going to sound so contradictory, but do it for me. Please.’