People Change

Until both Seth and Sebastian walked into the greenhouse at the Gardens I didn’t know for certain if they’d make the same decision. Sebastian I imagined having a more in depth conversation with, but Seth was more complicated. Even though he had a lot of conflicted feelings when it came to Titus that didn’t mean he’d be willing to work against him. It technically wasn’t exactly my plan, not if what I thought possible actually happened, because I understood Titus better than I did Anne. We’d actually been friends, so I believed I knew the choices he’d make when it came to her.

Seth’s eyes met with mine across the space. “We have Papa’s blessing.”

From the way Sebastian looked at him, frustrated and amused, it was clear they’d had a conversation about telling me, but not in such an abrupt fashion. Only Seth wanted to get it done quickly. Then they’d know, rather than wasting time. He was most definitely his father’s son. I smiled, studying them.

“Good.” They both stared at me. “We’e all putting Anne first, which is what matters.”

“You knew?”

“No, I suspected. Keeping our memories has certain unexpected effects, because it means we can experiment with our magics in death, something we wouldn’t have been able to do otherwise. Being here, in this world…” I looked around, words more complicated than I’d hoped they would be, but the twins had probably spent longer in death than Titus. “We can watch the living, the way I know you’ve watched Anne, and yet we can’t do anything to help or hinder, unless we have certain magics. As a soul mage I have a little more freedom. Technically I could have spoken to Anne about all of this a long time ago.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“At first it was for all the wrong reasons. I was angry with her for choosing Titus. She didn’t know what happened to me, I didn’t believe she actually remembered who I was, yet there was still this all encompassing fury. Through the years I’ve worked hard to let go, because I knew from the beginning the soulbond was far more dangerous than either Papa or Thaddeus wanted to accept. Neither of them had much time, so they did what they believed they had to, for both Anne and Marren Vale. By the time Thaddeus Saw the dangers it was too late – Titus already had the bond.”

“Papa wouldn’t agree to a transition.”

I shook my head, gesturing for the twins to sit. Sebastian was the first to move, willing to trust me, and Seth trusted his brother. The conversation would be a longer one, now Titus had made the decision to step in, probably partly due to lack of options, because we both knew the soulmate should have already arrived. We needed to step in, but with how things were he couldn’t slip away. So he turned to his sons, already having seen the conversation we had, to do what he wasn’t able to.

“Early on the bond had more control than Titus was willing to accept.” I raked a hand through my hair. “Partly it was due to the fact he struggled with his emotions surrounding what happened, blaming himself for everything. Your father’s always focused the majority of his ire on his own failings. The reality is magic was going to change Marren Vale no matter what he did. Now I think he’s more willing to accept that fact, because he understands the Heart better, but there’s never been any easy answers when it comes to protecting Anne.”

“What if you just let magic fade back then?” Sebastian studied me. “Rather than fighting to protect Mama?”

“A more complicated proposition than you realise, because in order for that to happen we’d have needed to remove the Heart.” He blinked. “If Anne hadn’t existed then, yes, logically, we could have just let magic fade, but the whole reason someone was called to the birthplace was the fact Anne lived. Without a soulbond the most likely scenario for her was a slow decline into insanity, similar to the one Papa saw himself on. Due to that magic would fluctuate. On her best days there’d be more magic, but on her worst… Thaddeus shared it with me, and none of us could let that happen to her.”

“Until?”

“There was no until, Sebastian. Anne’s death wouldn’t free her. She’d be an insane soul, trapped in death, with no way out.”

Sheer horror showed in both their faces. I’d reacted the same when Thaddeus Showed me Anne’s futures. That was the very worst of them, but they needed to understand why we made the choices we did.

“Marren Vale?”

“Only souls changed by magic would choose to stay.” I ran my tongue over my bottom lip. “Marren Vale is a very different place now, because the longer there is magic the more magical souls exist. Back then it was a much more limited number. Less that five hundred people called it home. Each one of them was affected by the flood. Anne’s sanity would have faded relatively quickly without someone to share her power with. There’s a chance she might have tried to save herself by…” Saying those words was too much, but I could tell they understood. “Unfortunately all she’d have done was trapped herself in death far sooner, without anyone having a chance to help her.”

“It’s possible?”

“By a soul mage with the strength to both create the soulbond and undo the damage already done.”

“You?”

“Potentially, but it wasn’t a choice I needed to make. If I had I’d have stepped in to save Anne, even before I fell in love with her, although in that situation it might have been more selfish.”

Raking a hand through his hair, looking so much like Titus, Seth shook his head. “What were the other possibilities, Julian?”

“Her soul might have shattered. In that situation there’d have suddenly been no magic, and it’s likely, from what Thaddeus Saw, everyone in Marren Vale would have died at the same time, going through what would come to be known as the third wave. There were occasions where it did happen, but the loss of magic did affect those who’d survived. What Thaddeus never Saw, potentially due to his own biases, was Anne living without the soulbond.”

“Could she now?”

“With every life both Anne and Titus have become stronger, in part due to the ritual, but also due to the fact they live above the birthplace of magic, the same way you do. You were already stronger than most of the mages in Marren Vale due to your parentage. Now you’re capable of almost anything, the same way Titus is. Hence him making the decision to work with you. She needs a bond. Thaddeus believed the final solution would be the soulmate bond. Personally I have my doubts.”

“Then why bother finding the soulmate?” Voice stricken, Sebastian stood. “If Mama…” He bit down on his bottom lip. “You’re basically saying there’s nothing we can do.”

“No, Sebastian, I’m saying I don’t think the soulmate bond is the solution.” I stood too, putting a hand on his arm. “The only way to be certain is for me to see the bond after Anne’s met her soulmate. Due to her strength I believe the soulmate bond will be affected the same way the soulbond is, hence the ritual. As she can’t go through that again safely we need to find another option. My theory… Titus won’t agree to even trying if we don’t show him it’s literally the only chance we have of being able to save Anne.”

Eyes on mine, breathing deeply, Sebastian regained some control of his emotions. “How, Julian? I need to know if I’m going to be able to trust you.”

“Anne needs to enter the birthplace of magic, and, I think, she’ll have to choose someone to go with her, to create a permanent bond.”

“Mama will make the decision.” Seth joined us. “It won’t be you, or Papa?”

“No, it will be Anne, because it has to be of her own free will.”

They shared a look, before turning back to me. “A theory?” Seth raised an eyebrow. “I assume you’ve thought about it a lot.”

“Seth, I’ve had lifetimes to think about this.” I smiled. “The soulbond was Thaddeus’s choice, and, at the time, it was the best option, as much as I hate to say it. At the time all we knew about the birthplace was Titus only barely survived. Others have tried to enter since, even though he’s done his best to stop them, but none have left, physically or in soul form. Coming to accept it might be the only way wasn’t easy for me either. Yet I’ve been there to see the soulbond since the beginning. Your father did the impossible more than once, holding the soulbond together when I was certain it would fail long enough to get Anne through the ritual. When Anne meets her soulmate that bond is too similar for it to be the protection Thaddeus believed it would be… and…”

“Everything, Julian.” Sebastian was gentle. “Take your time, but we need everything you know.”

I nodded. “Souls are complicated, and Anne’s… it’s almost impossible to put into words for someone who can’t see her like I can. Early on I spent time learning about bonds, because it was one of my specialities, as they are now called. All mages are different. Papa was skilled at seeing souls, hence him noticing the damage far sooner than anyone else would have done, while I see bonds. For example the two of you, at this point, have two strong bonds to your parents, with a much stronger bond between the two of you. Twin bonds are fascinating. Off topic, but something to potentially talk about later. You’re interested in Anne.

“Due to her being the Heart she has bonds no one else can have, linking her to magic both in the birthplace and Marren Vale. She has bonds to the two of you, something that would fade if it wasn’t for the ritual. The soulbond is relatively weak now, fortunately not so bad it might break before the ritual, with the soulmate bond barely a possibility. In her first lives it was a little stronger, but it’s one of the reasons I said early on I didn’t think the soulbond would work the way they wanted it to. Finally there’s a third bond.” I breathed in deeply. “A natural bond, similar to the soulmate bond, that I think was created whenever it was Anne became the Heart, which connects her with Titus.”

“Hence your certainty she’d choose Papa, no matter what.”

“There’s more to it than that. Anne does love Titus. I’ve never doubted her feelings for him. She’d have loved him even if she wasn’t bonded to him, which is part of the reason I’ve struggled do much with my own feelings. Right now I have to set them aside to help Anne, because she needs me to do what I can, even if it’s not enough. Eventually the time will come when I’ll be able to live for myself, not remembering any of this.”

From the way Sebastian looked at me I could tell he didn’t believe the last part of what I said. “You think you will remember.”

“Unfortunately, yes, it seems more likely than truly moving on after all this time, but that doesn’t mean I won’t try.”

He put his hand over mine. “Thank you, for helping. I can’t imagine it’s easy.”

“Nothing worth doing is easy, Sebastian.” Papa said those words to me as we worked to create the soulbond, neither of us certain it was possible, even though Thaddeus had Seen it. “This is simply another of those things.” I appreciated him more than he could know, for showing kindness at a time when he was clearly worried about his mother. “So, we find Anne’s soulmate, but not for the reasons Titus believes we are. He still sees the soulmate as the final solution, and will do whatever he has to in order to save Anne.”

“You think he still sees the soulmate as the final solution.” Seth drew my attention with his words. “As you haven’t spoken to him since he shoved you in a fire you don’t actually know.”

The look Sebastian gave Seth in that moment was absolutely the long suffering brother not knowing quite how to deal with the fact the other worded everything the worst way possible. I laughed, and the relief in Sebastian’s eyes was almost more amusing than Seth once again being his father’s son.

“Logically, considering you have his blessing to search for the soulmate, he does still believe that. If he thought for a moment already had the solution right in front of him he’d have brought it up with Anne.”

“Unless he’s making the same choices you are. Before taking Mama somewhere he almost died he wants to be certain.”

“Possible, yes, but you aren’t taking into consideration how deeply Titus loves Anne. Choosing to bring the soulmate here is something he’d only do if there wasn’t another way. More than anything he wants to spend the rest of time with her. If she falls in love with someone else…”

“Mama wouldn’t.”

“We know that. He doesn’t. Go back to Elias for a moment. You believed Titus was actually capable of shredding a soul in order to keep Anne.”

Seth raked a hand through his hair, more frustrated than before. “I was angry, Julian, and now… honestly, I’m confused. Talking to Papa changed things in ways I didn’t think it could. When we entered the room I fully planned on forcing him into a conversation he didn’t want to have, but he was already there, choosing to talk to us. Having Sebastian there means I know for certain he told the truth, which doesn’t make any of this easier.”

“Titus is a complicated man.” I did the same to Seth as I was to Sebastian, a hand on his arm, not too much touching when they barely knew me. “He cares about the two of you deeply, but made mistakes during your first life he felt he couldn’t fix. Rather than trying the way he should have he disconnected.”

“How do you know this?”

“Conversations between your parents, Seth. Anne wanted Titus to fix things, and Titus… the ritual is more of a struggle for him than he’s truly willing to let on. He hates what he has to do. Only he made a vow… well, two vows, neither of which can be broken. Unsurprisingly they complicate things more. Having children wasn’t part of the plan until later. Putting the two of you through this… your father blames himself, because he wasn’t careful enough, making it even worse for him when he looks at the two of you.”

“Papa told Mama all of that?”

“Some, and the rest he told his journal. I’m not above reading over his shoulder.” Fortunately that made Seth laugh the way I hoped it would. “You can build a stronger relationship with Titus, if it’s what you both want, as long as you understand he’s broken in a lot of ways. Hence Thaddeus doing what he could to convince Titus to give up the bond, but that was never going to happen.”

“You’ve truly forgiven him?” Seth’s eyes met with mine. “This isn’t a way to get back at him?”

“If I wanted to get back at him I’d have done it a long time ago, without using the two of you. You’re innocents.”

“We’re Papa’s sons.”

“Anne would never forgive me, because you’re her sons far more than you are Titus’s, even now.”

“One conversation doesn’t make a relationship.”

“Exactly, and when I look at the two of you I do see her. There’s echoes of both of them, with Sebastian being more magically alike Anne than you are, Seth. He also has more of her personality, while you’re blunt in a way only one other person can be, which… honestly, this may sound strange, it’s kind of nice.”

“Reminding you of your friendship with Papa.”

“No matter what choices he’s made for Anne Titus is a good person. The boy I knew…” I sighed. “He struggled with where he fit in to the world. Silas used his doubts against him, leading Titus to the birthplace of magic to prove his loyalty to the Lockwoods. Only he never needed to, because Titus was loved for who he was, by both Thaddeus and Francesca. Being loved by Anne the way he is… in some ways he feels he let Thaddeus down by marrying her. Yet she was the one who pursued him, not willing to let Thaddeus’s issues get in the way of her happiness.”

“Until the ritual.”

“A choice Titus was able to explain to her satisfaction, Seth. He did it for her, as foolish as it was. From the beginning he knew how much it would hurt, especially the first time around, because they were using people she was very close to. What they went through had an effect… and Titus felt it more than he ever told Anne.”

“Why not let Mama support him, the way he supported her?” Sebastian sounded truly confused. “Did he truly think he didn’t deserve it?”

“Like I said, Sebastian, he struggled, and still does. Seeing the pain Anne was in he chose to be strong for her, but she saw it. The way he always feels the need to protect her is part of the reason they have so many issues between them – she knows when he’s not telling her something. In situations like this she understands exactly why, because of how close they are. Every time she wants him to make a different choice, only it’s unlikely to happen, due to who Titus is.”

“Could we fix it?”

“Sebastian…”

“Maybe, if their relationship is better, it’ll make everything easier if we do find the soulmate.” Sebastian bit down on his bottom lip. “I want Papa to feel safe. He’s terrified of losing Mama, and that… I know how foolish it sounds, Julian, but… she’d want me to try.”

“You may not be able to talk to him again, but, if you do, it’s possible you might be able to help in some way. That doesn’t mean your father will change. He is who he is. Being Anne’s protector is a part of him, even if it causes problem.”

“I want to try. Do we need to leave right now to find the soulmate?”

“No, I think it would be best to work out a plan as to where we’re going to look. Although I can see the bond, and I have a general area we can start in, leaving Marren Vale will make it more complicated. Without Anne to guide me I’ll be able to see all kinds of different connections between souls.”

“Do you know much about what’s on the other side of the wards?”

“Before magic Marren Vale wasn’t as isolated. I had travelled, because both Mama and Papa had family in other towns. The problem is that happened a very long time ago. What’s out there now is as much a mystery to me as it is to you. Mirstone probably still exists.”

Another shared look. “Mama said the Lockwoods came from Mirstone, but Papa…” Seth shrugged. “We only knew what Mama shared with us.”

“Give him a chance to tell you first. I think it should be his story to share.”

“You know it, though?”

“I think I am the only person he ever told.” For a second I saw Titus as he was, not long after he learnt the truth. “He may be waiting for you now, if he is Watching, and, Titus, if you are, please listen to your sons.”

The twins smiled. “We’ll tell you if he was.” Sebastian squeezed my hand. “In the morning we’ll work our a plan for the journey. Finding the soulmate might be easier if we split up, as you have an area to search, but think on it.”

Seth nodded. “Thank you for putting up with me.”

“Don’t, Seth. I like you. Both of you. Seeing Anne and Titus in you personally is strangely nice.” As I watched the twins walk away I looked to the side, the way I had done so many times before. “Even if you didn’t want to I think you Saw this, Titus Lockwood, so you need to listen to me now – I have forgiven you. You might not be willing to believe me, but you… it was the bond. Not my friend. Maybe, when this is over, we can be friends again.”