Family Conversations

Seth paced. “Do we trust him?”

It was the same question he’d already asked multiple times. “Julian was being truthful.” He looked at me. “Seth, I don’t know whether we should trust him, but it helps he didn’t lie to us, even about his feelings for Mama. From what I could tell he’d made the choice to talk to us for the right reasons.”

Even if Seth didn’t I planned on talking to Julian again. There was more to learn from him, and that mattered, because I didn’t think anything anyone said would stop my twin from trying to ‘save’ Mama. Mama not wanting saving hadn’t crossed his mind once. He didn’t understand their relationship. If I was being honest neither did I, but I accepted that. Like Mama I could tell Father’s evasiveness was for a reason. Our problem was he’d never shared what that reason was, although our relationship with Father was very different to the one we had with Mama.

Hence Seth’s plan. Coloured by his own feelings, his hatred for Father and judgement of Mama, whether he wanted to admit to either of them or not, he’d made the decision Mama’s happiness depended on him having the strength to save her. My opinion didn’t matter. Sometimes I thought the reason he hated Father was due to the two of them being so alike. Of course I’d never said it out loud, because that would destroy our relationship, but I saw it more in every lifetime we lived.

“The soulbond?” Our eyes met. “You already suspected.”

“Suspecting isn’t the same as knowing. The conversation I had wasn’t enough for me to truly believe it was possible, and even then a soulbond can be natural. All I’d been told was they had one, which… any kind of soulbond is a complication, but it wouldn’t have caused any real problems. What exists between our parents is something entirely different, especially as, as far as I know, it’s the only one.”

“No other created soulbonds exist?”

“Mostly because they aren’t needed.” I ran my tongue over dry lips, the subject one I’d not have said I was an expert on, but I did know more than Seth, because I was willing to listen. “You heard Julian – it’s there to protect Mama.”

“Father made a vow to Thaddeus never to tell Mama the truth.” Seth stopped moving, leaning against the nearest wall, as he stared into the distance. “It was all so easy when I could just hate Father.”

“You believe that?”

“Whatever my personal feelings about Father there’s one thing I’ve never doubted, and that’s how much he loves Mama. I can see him making that foolish choice in the mistake belief it was the best way to keep her safe, only to regret it now, because every lie he’s told Mama has caused more fractures in their relationship. Especially as he knows about her soulmate.”

For a few seconds we looked at each other. “Mama never would have known he was in love with her if it hadn’t been for Phoebe, and she’s been clear to us more than once she was the one who had to convince Father they should be together. He fought her, until he couldn’t any longer, because she didn’t plan on taking no for an answer. Yes, things changed due to the ritual, but even then she chose him.”

As we’d both been told the story more than once, I think Mama was able to feel Seth’s hatred, Seth couldn’t argue she chose us, because neither Mama or Father knew she was pregnant at that point. It was Father. She accepted he said nothing about the ritual in advance as a way of protecting her, and I believed it more than I had then. Father’s decisions often weren’t logical when it came to Mother. Having made such a foolish vow clearly they hadn’t been for a very long time.

“I want to talk to Father.”

“How, exactly, do you think we’re going to be able to do that?”

“We’re Lockwoods, Sebastian.” Seth smiled for the first time since Julian left. “One way or another we’ll find a way, even if we do have to ask the Riordan for help.”

“Father’s not going to tell us anything.”

“He will, because we know about the one thing he’s not going to ever want in Mama’s life – the soulmate. We’re dead. It gives us the freedom to go looking for him.”

“Seth…”

“Unlike Mama I’m willing to use anything to finally get Father to tell us everything.” Seth raked a hand through his hair. “Let’s go.”

Even though I had no reason to think Seth’s plan would work I followed him through the house to Father’s room. It was the middle of the day, at a time when someone might be putting their toddler down for a nap, so we might have a chance to catch him. He stepped through the door, and I stared, because Father was right in front of us. Rather than a toddler we were looking at his soul. Unsurprisingly his focus was on Seth.

“Ask your questions.”

With a glance back at me, I shrugged, Seth turned his full attention to Father. “How is this even possible?”

“You said it yourself, Seth – we’re Lockwoods. We’re all capable of more than most.”

One of Father’s evasive half truths. “I think this conversation has a chance to undo some of the damage the lifetimes had done our relationship.” He looked at me, eyes meeting with mine as I spoke, the slightest hint of a smile. “For that to be possible, Father, you need to be honest with us, rather than holding things back. How did you know we’d be here?”

“The dead can See the dead. I knew this was a possibility before I was reborn, and I set this up, so we could have a conversation if it ended up being necessary. As it is I’m here.”

“Julian?”

Father raked a hand through his hair. “It’s hard to describe what it was like when the soulbond was first created. Papa asked me to be Anne’s protector, and I wasn’t going to say no. By then I’d already Seen her worst potential futures, something I couldn’t let happen, so I did what had to be done. None of us truly understood the monster we’d created until it was too late. Even then we didn’t have any other option. There was no other way to keep Anne alive until the day her soulmate walked into Marren Vale.” He turned to Seth. “Finding him now might be the best thing you could do, for all of us.”

“Mama loves you.”

Instead of any kind of normal reaction Father laughed, stepping closer to me. “Your mother is my world, Sebastian. The way I feel about her…” He looked at Seth. “She does deserve to have a choice. Now, with our relationship as it is. What she chose before… we aren’t who we were.” An arm curled around my shoulder. “Thank you, for being her son.”

Until that moment I didn’t believe Father cared about either of us. With his arm around me… he’d noticed, even though he’d never said anything. Teeth buried in my bottom lip, words lost to me in the moment, I just looked at him, and he looked back at me.

“How I’ve acted isn’t due to either of you.” Tightening his grip on me, he held his arm out to Seth, who I half expected to shake his head, but instead accepted the hug. “Your birth was an accident, and I let my emotions get the better of me. Anne believed in a way I couldn’t, because of choices I’d made, so you both deserve an apology. Of course that doesn’t magically undo the pain, any more than I can fix the damaged I caused to my relationship with Anne by telling her I love her. She knows. It doesn’t mean she’s ever going to forgive me.”

Seth looked at me, and I knew what was going through his head, but it was his decision to make. “Father, what happened with Elias?”

“Your mother built a relationship with another man, and she was falling in love with him. I don’t know if she truly did. We don’t talk about Elias.” So far it was all truth. “Unfortunately what Elias wanted was something else.” He sighed. “Julian told you Anne’s the Heart. Even though Elias never learnt that he did know she was the most powerful mage in Marren Vale. She’s always been stronger than me, but the soulbond balances us out, mostly. Papa believed I was the only one who’d be able to stay sane, and it’s entirely possible he was right. That doesn’t mean it hasn’t been the most painful experience, and yet I still don’t regret it, because I do, wholly, love your mother. Being hers… Elias tried to take the soulbond. He wasn’t capable of taking it, so it destroyed his soul. For her I tried to fix it. Unfortunately learning some soul magic doesn’t make someone a soul mage.”

Father’s words, for the first time, were the whole truth. “Seb?” I nodded, not looking at Seth. “That’s what you meant when you thanked Seb for being her son, right? His ability to know when someone was telling the truth.”

“Until it happened I didn’t know it was possible.” Father studied me. “I’ll be honest with you, Sebastian – this may mean you’ve inherited more, although you’ve never showed any signs of having uncontrollable power.”

“Why not tell us sooner, Father?” Seth’s voice was worried, eyes on me, but I understood. “Keeping secrets…”

“Don’t, Seth.” I put my hand on Father’s. “He couldn’t, because it meant telling us more than he felt was safe, for Mama. Mama’s always come first, and he didn’t dare Look to See how we’d react, our of fear… so, Father, I give you my word now I won’t share anything we have learnt, or will learn, about Mama with anyone else.”

Magic swirled around us, stronger than I expected. “Sebastian…”

“No, Seb understands more than I do.” Seth breathed in deeply. “Father, I give you my word now I won’t share anything we have learnt, or will learn, about Mama with anyone else.”

I’d always been stronger than Seth, but the vows we both made were similarly powerful, Father looking between us in the realisation he didn’t actually know either of his sons. “Thank you.” His eyes were slightly wet. “What I Saw of this made it clear you loved your mother, and yet I still worried, because someone else finding out she’s the Heart…”

“They won’t, Father.” I squeezed Father’s hand the way I’d seen Mama do more than once, even during their worst times, and there was even more emotion then. “Mama’s safe. What we need to know if whether you do truly want us to find her soulmate.”

“You need to. It’s been one life too long, and the ritual… for it to be safe it needs to be the last. The one that makes her immortal, so we never have to do it again, even if that means she chooses him.”

Seth and I shared a look. “Papa…”

A tear escaped then. We hadn’t called him Papa since we were children in our very early lives. Father wiped it away, as he nodded. “There’s a lot I do still need to tell you. We don’t have a lot of time, so I’ll focus on what’s most important for right now.” He drew us further into the room, to sit on the bed together, his arms still around us. “Every ritual scars our souls, but it was a necessary evil. For Anne to live long enough to meet her soulmate someone had to be her balance, and Papa chose me, although later on he worried about how it would affect me.”

“Julian said he never Saw this.” I didn’t know if bringing up the dead Riordan was a good idea, but it seemed like the best way to continue the conversation. “He trusted you never to say anything to Mama.”

“No, this was all due to Phoebe, and her anger at me for turning her down. She saw more than I realised. Telling Anne everything was her way of destroying my relationship with my sister, only Anne also saw more than I realised, because she suspected we weren’t blood siblings. Once she knew for certain it gave her the freedom to be honest with me. Her having feelings… it never crossed my mind. As far as I was concerned she saw me as her brother, nothing more. I still did my best to keep to the plan, the way Papa wanted, but when Anne made a decision that was it. Nothing would stop her. Even after the ritual…”

“Mama believed you did it for the right reasons.”

Papa’s eyes met with mine. “All I ever wanted to do was protect her, Sebastian. The ritual… I didn’t know what the right choice was. Papa thought it best not to tell her, and, early on, I viewed him as infallible when it came to Anne. He Saw so much more than I could, but the reality is Papa was biased. What he Saw wasn’t the whole picture. Even when it was he didn’t want to accept it, hence us being where we are now.”

Hearing true honesty wasn’t something I expected, but I nodded, resting my head on Papa’s shoulder. “Grandpa’s the reason you know about Mama’s soulmate.”

“As far as Papa was concerned the soulmate, and a natural bond, were the best way to protect Anne for the rest of time. The ritual was his way of making certain I kept my memories, so I could do what needed to be done.” Father sighed. “However the time came when I also made a vow to your mother, one far stronger than the one I’d made to Papa, which still complicates everything.”

“You promised Mama you’d be there for her, life and death, eternally.” Seth raked a hand through his hair. “At least that was what she told us.”

“I did, when she needed me most.” Papa shook his head. “Even now I don’t know if she can release me from it, although I’m certain she would if she could, and that… seeing her with her soulmate will break me.”

“She might not choose him.”

“Papa believed she would, no matter what. Hence his belief I’d be better off as her brother rather than her husband. I think he might have been right, but he clearly didn’t know his own daughter well enough, because nothing I said or did would change her mind when it came to what she wanted for us.”

“Do you think Mama still loves you?” The way Papa looked at me told me everything. “Papa, I need you to listen to me, and understand I can tell if Mama’s lying too.” I tightened my grip on his hand. “Mama loves you. She might not want to, but I don’t doubt her feelings. Yes, I agree with both of you she needs to make a choice, preferably knowing more about all of this than she did before. That doesn’t mean she won’t choose you.”

“Seb, I don’t deserve her.” A tear rolled down his cheek he didn’t bother to scrub away. “The kindness the two of you have shown me today… I appreciate it more than you can ever know. For Anne to be truly happy she needs to be with someone she can wholly trust, and I have kept so many secrets from her since the very beginning. I need the two of you to find Anne’s soulmate, because this is our last chance. We need him here, to protect her, otherwise…” He closed his eyes. “Without Anne there’s no magic. Her soul is too scarred for me to safely use the ritual as it was on her again, to give us another life, so the soulmate is our only option.”

“Can we adapt the ritual?” Seth stood, Papa’s arm falling, and he started to pace the way he had before. “To give us more time?”

“Papa tried to find another way before, because neither of us liked what we had to do to, but the ritual ended up being the only option. Since then I’ve done everything to find another solution.” Both Seth and I watched Papa’s experiments, until he made the decision they caused too much damage. “Including try to find ways to adapt the ritual. Unfortunately, even though I very much wish otherwise, there is no other way.”

“What happens if we don’t find the soulmate?”

A question I’d rather not know the answer to, because the emotions in Papa’s eyes told me more than I wanted. “I will do whatever I can to find a way to save your mother, but I can’t make any promises, Seth, as this wasn’t how I expected things to go. He was meant to be here.”

“Relying on that might not have been the best choice, Papa.”

“Clearly not.” Sad instead of angry, Father stood, stepping over to Seth, and put his hands on Seth’s shoulders. “We have time. Not enough, but it’s better than nothing. I need you to focus, while you can, on finding the soulmate. Don’t worry about anything other than that. Your souls will return here when they’re needed, because you’re tied to Anne too. At the same time I will keep searching for a solution. There will be a way. Magic has always done what it needed to in order to protect the Heart before, so I have no reason to think it won’t this time.”

“Do you know where to start?”

“There are possibilities.” Papa closed his eyes. “I don’t have much longer. Julian should know them. Work with him. Out of everyone I have ever known he’s the only person I trust to do whatever needs to be done in order to protect Anne.”

Soul beginning to fade, Papa held his arms out, and I stood, going over to him to get the first hug he’d given me without Mama nagging him to first. He held us both tightly, kissing the tops of our heads.

“Good luck. I believe in you.”

When he disappeared entirely I leaned against Seth. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Neither was I.” Seth breathed in deeply. “Papa was being honest?”

“He didn’t lie once.” I ran my tongue over my bottom lip. “What we know now… I almost wish he was.”

“First we talk to Julian. He brought up the soulmate for a reason, so it’s likely he’s already thought about looking for him. I don’t know if we should tell him we have Papa’s blessing.”

“I believe it’s best for us to be honest too. We’ve seen the damage lies, half truths, and evasions can do, so we tell Julian everything. Although it might not be as easy without his help we do know what we have to do. Find Mama’s soulmate.”